Lately I haven’t been feeling entirely well. I find myself in a rollercoaster of restlessness, headaches, chest ache (which now I believe is more of a heartache), and even at times short breath. Physically I honestly believe I am well (physical check-up pending), but something has been bothering the soul. This is me metaphorically and visually (is how I learn best) examining myself.
Hoarding Intervention
My room…is a mess.
My life?…haha yeah that is a mess too.
But you will have never known unless I come forward with honesty. Hollywood actresses would hashtag this: “#nomakeup #selfie”.
My entire life my mom raised me well and taught me to keep my room presentable. She always been quick to verbalized her unpleased thoughts when it wasn’t. Problem is that I developed the habit to make it presentable in the most quickest yet not entirely correct way. To please her I started to stacking stuff on boxes/bags and placing them where people will not be able to see them. Where my mom will not be able to fuzz about because it was no longer where people can see or walk. It doesn’t matter what it was I kept stacking and as long it made my room presentable it was ok. Eventually it became like a hoarding habit.
Now, I could say that my life is pretty presentable, but after evaluating things I realized that it represented the same as my room; Presentable in the outside, but lots of unnecessary and unhealthy things hidden underneath. It’s not doing my soul any good having these stacked boxes, labeled “ignore” and “deal with later”, just to keep myself superficially presentable. All these boxes filled with: forgiveness that hasn’t been given, apologies that hasn’t given, compromises that has been broken, unresolved conflicts, chest-up-man-up soul damaging events, and unhealthy drugs to subdue the pain of my weaknesses.
God has called me to a life of abandonment and freedom but I can’t with these “hidden” shackles. I sincerely don’t need any of these lingering around. It’s occupying spaces that I rather have God fill it with the Holy Trinity. And knowing that if I don’t confront the issues, living with the ‘out of sight out of mind’ mindset, none of it will get correctly taken care of I decided to grab all the boxes and spill it all over my floor. All the boxes with all that it content I emptied on the floor of my “clean-presentable” room. Yeah, my mom already voiced her objection of my room and quite honestly I’m not exactly proud of the current presentation but the disturbances of my soul is far deteriorating me (to the delight of the enemy) and I will have to face them, stepping on, getting annoyed and continue stumbling on them until is cleaned. No more unnecessary stacking. No more hoarding. No more avoiding my issues and my mistakes.
FREEEEEDOM!
I DEMAND FREEEEEDOM!
I DECLARE FREEEEEDOM!
P.S. Now that I opened this lid and welcomed y’all to this I will be sharing about some of the things I’m cleaning and getting rid off as I go through this process. Please, pray for strength in me as I’m going through this. Some of these things I been clinging on for far too long.
If you feel like you are going through the same situation or perhaps God just revealed to you that you need to do the same feel free to contact me. Dancing alone like nobody is watching is fun but when two or more are dancing like nobody is watching is more of a party.
