Well I’ve launched. Yup. It’s finally happened. The last shoe finally dropped and it left me in Albania. It is still sinking in, but becomes more real everyday. My goodbyes have been said, kisses blown, and planes boarded. Sometimes I still wonder just what exactly it is I have gotten myself into. “What did I just subject myself to?” I will say. Many things I never even thought about are crashing in, but please don’t misunderstand me. I’m sure I will love it. I’m just still getting used to things.
After traveling for a consecutive 48 hours, my emotions were a little raw. I love traveling, but the longest journey of my life left me emotionally taxed. On top of that we lost six hours on the way here. Days ran into days and it was hard to tell one from the other. I had also forgotten just how uncomfortable a new culture can feel at first. It can feel like they’re all judging you because you’re American. A good bit of rest left me feeling much better though. My anxieties were gone and the Albanians loved me again. Oh, and our living conditions are excellent, nothing short of a blessing from God. We each have our own bed, and in some cases our own room, a private bathroom, and a hot shower. We couldn’t have asked for better.
All of this has left me asking, “What exactly should I be feeling right now?” While feeling better, my emotions still feel mixed up. Sometimes I’m saying, “I’m on the World Race!” other times, “What is happening right now?” So much has changed in such a short amount of time. Everything that I called normal has just been turned on its head, from what food I’m eating to how I go to the bathroom. I know that this trip will impact the rest of my life, and with all the different aspects and realities sinking in, it’s a lot to process. I suppose this is normal for almost every racer. After talking with people from other squads, I found many had the same feelings.
All that I want right now is to hear God, and not miss what he’s trying to teach me in this moment. Times change, worlds collide, and it can all be very confusing. I’m not too worried though. I have 11 months to discover what God wants for me on this trip. My only job right now is to be present, and take it in moment by moment. God never asks or expects us to do it any other way. Our worrying and fretting has never helped God. So why do it? Because we’re human. My hope is that by the end of this trip I will have such a dependence on God that it will surpass my human instinct to fret. I want God to give me a new faith. Or better yet, I. Want. God.
