“I have one desire now–to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it.” –Elisabeth Elliot
Yesterday, I did something that was hard for me.
I moved out of the first place that has really felt like a home to me since 2012 when I moved away from the home in which I grew up, as I headed off to college.
Sure, I only lived there a year, and, yeah, it was an apartment, but I’m a person who gets attached easily when I like something, and I really did enjoy each moment in that apartment.
So why would I trade in my place of rest and comfort (that my introverted self longs to be after a crazy day at work) for a room in someone else’s home?
I would do that because I want to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord.
***
As I have shared future plans in regards to the World Race with so many whom I love and care about, words of encouragement have come like a flood. I am so grateful.
However, with those conversations in mind, I do need to clarify something. People often mention my courage while discussing the World Race, but I don’t really feel that much more courageous than those around me. While I do believe that God has given me a bold spirit in many ways, here’s what it really boils down to–yes, I have a flair for adventure, but I love comfort and familiarity and the security of knowing my next steps just as much as the next person.
So I don’t think that the real difference here is courage; the difference is that I am set on living a life of reckless abandon when I feel God calling me toward something.
In order to go on the World Race, I’m going to temporarily leave behind the people I love. I’m going to leave a job I love. I’m going to give up a year of attending my students’ athletic events, concerts, plays, etc. I’m going to go a year without a paycheck. I’m going to move out of an apartment that has been the closest thing to a home that I’ve had since I moved off to college.
I won’t give these things up because I am courageous, and, at this point, I won’t even give them up because I am adventurous. However, I will give them up because I am determined to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord.
Okay, let’s do a little word study:
Reckless: (adj.) dangerously careless
Abandon: (v.) to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly
Wait, did I just tell you that I’m set on living a life in which I give myself over to dangerously careless things?
Not quite.
What I am set on doing is giving myself unrestrainedly to the plans God has for me, even if that sometimes appears dangerously careless by the world’s standards.
Where He leads, I will follow.
***
Back to the housing situation and moving out of my apartment…
The process of reckless abandonment began two months ago.
I was planning to apply for the World Race, but I had yet to actually apply. Honestly, I wasn’t terribly concerned about being accepted because I didn’t think God would call me to something so specific, only to have my acceptance denied, so I was actually more concerned with the trip’s expenses. While mulling over the financial aspects of the trip, I knew that I would need to fundraise for the trip expenses, but I would need to save my own money for World Race spending money, trip gear, and student loan payments (because I would prefer to continue paying those off while I am gone, as opposed to deferring them). These things would be in addition to saving enough money to be able to return to the U.S. without my bank account in the negative.
Okay, that’s a lot of money, and there’s no way I could budget to save that much money in a year’s time while paying my current bills, but I immediately knew what I needed to do.
I needed to move out of my apartment.
And thus, the following happened:
June 31: stepping out in full faith, before I ever actually applied for the World Race or had a place to move to, I gave my apartment management my 60-day-notice. (I needed to get out asap if I was going to save any money from this deal.) If that’s not reckless abandon, I don’t know what is.
July 3: I told a dear friend that I was planning to go on the World Race and had notified my apartment that I would be moving and needed a place to live. She immediately said she knew of someone with whom I might be able to stay.
July 4: I actually applied for the World Race. I realize that I often do things way out of order, but when I feel led by God to do something, I’ve got some serious faith in His provision.
July 14: I was accepted to the World Race! Woo!
July 15: My friend reached out to the person that might be able to help me out with my housing situation.
July 18: I received a message from my friend saying that this individual was interested in talking to me and potentially having me stay with her.
August 31: After talking and meeting briefly over the past couple of months, I moved into a room in the home of a dear, sweet lady who happens to be the sister-in-law of one of my favorite coworkers from my first year of teaching.
Now it’s time to adjust to a new living situation and continue preparations for the World Race.
These past two months have been a whirlwind, but living a life of reckless abandon just continues to build my faith. God is so good and is the ultimate provider. I’m so thankful.
I wouldn’t encourage living a reckless life, but I would encourage living a life of reckless abandon for the Lord.
Thanks for being a part of the journey.
Xo,
Jami
