“You are so brave!”
I’ve heard this many times. Some have meant it, others have used it as a polite way to rephrase, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.” I usually just smile politely and laugh it off but not today. Today I’ll tell you the truth. The truth of how much I fear. I fear leaving the home that raised me in comfort. I fear not being good enough. I fear wanting to quit. I fear where the Lord will take me and the things he will ask me to do and leave behind will be too hard. I fear change even though I need it the most.
Now am I still brave?
Yes, I am. I have earned the right to pee my pants a little bit. And in doing so, I’ve found the true meaning of bravery. Every doubt, every fear has entered my thoughts to the point where my breathing has become shaky. Bravery is acknowledging the fear that is present and no matter how strong the pull to turn around is, you keep moving forward. I embrace the thoughts that tell me things like “you aren’t good enough” and “you’ll never change” because I know that the enemy wouldn’t be working so hard to trip me if my walk didn’t have major importance towards God’s plan. The harder it gets reminds me of how truly critical the job God has called me to do is. And that’s scary but it’s also okay. I believe fear is real but I do not believe in fear itself. “Yea, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me.” Psalms 23:4. In this scripture, I replace the word evil with fear so it reads, “I will fear no fear.” Let the fear come and knock on my door, because I will answer. And after, I will turn, shut the door, and keep moving forward. Fear is a liar. I know who speaks the truth and I choose to listen to Him. Who will you listen to?
