This word has been showing up ever since I hit US soil. I’ve written it, read it, and heard it in songs. This morning I finally acknowledged it.
I had a lot of anxiety about coming home early. I hadn’t made a plan yet. I felt unprepared to come back and face things that had ultimately made me decide to leave and heal in the first place. I thought I needed it all written out so I could focus on something tangible. Once again I was trying to take control and take care of myself. The truth is, God is tangible. We can use every sense he has given us to encounter him. I can hold his Word in my hand and feel him. I can look outside and watch the poppies bloom and see the mountains watch over the land and see him. I can taste sweet water after being so thirsty and he’s there. I can hear the sweet uncontrollable laughter of a carefree baby and he’s there. I can smell the rain that comes to water the earth and he’s there. We make it sound like its an impossible thing to encounter our Creator but in reality it is so simple.
I was scared that once I left the field, I was going to go home unchanged. My life in missions looked so much different than what my life had looked like at home before I left. It felt like I had two lives. Being home has proven this wrong in so many ways. I realized that I was giving more credit to my trip than I was to the Lord. The Lord is who changed me, not my trip. My trip is done but the Lord is constantly with me. I didn’t have all this breakthrough because I was away from home, it happened because I was seeking the Lord. Coming home, that hasn’t changed. Praise the Lord that I can seek him day or night, at home or around the world.
The Lord’s plan for me is to CLING to him. Everything will follow. The dictionary defines cling as 1.) “to have a strong emotional attachment or dependence.” and 2.) to hold on tightly or tenaciously. That’s insane! God speaks through the dictionary!
I’ll depend on God with everything because I have nothing without him. I will tenaciously CLING to his Word and his voice because without it I have no direction. I will constantly grow in him and when I fail, I’ll fail with him by my side. I’ll search for situations that seem impossible and have so much dependency on the Lord that it won’t work out unless he shows up.
The World Race is over but I’ll never stop running to you Lord.
