I could fix my computer screen at home, it’s still under warranty.
I wouldn’t have to deal with this stupid digital camera that breaks a little more every time I touch it if I was at home.
Living in community is freakin’ hard. I miss having my own space, my own bed, the freedom of my car.
I miss wearing normal clothes, moreso, I miss having more than 10 outfits to choose from.
I need to finish my Georgia State paperwork. I need to begin my Johns Hopkins paperwork. I have a lot to do.
I have a cell phone and regular internet at home. I would love to watch TV or a movie with Danielle or go to lunch with Rac or go on an adventure with Rachie.
I get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I get to diet and workout as I choose.
I have dogs at home. I have mountains and hikes that I love at home. I have good friends and family at home. I have a life waiting for me at home. A life unlike this one. . .
My thoughts are pervaded with reasons why it would be fine to go home, reasons why I would even love to go home. But then, I am reminded of Luke 1:45, “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished,” and I remember God’s call.
Never for a moment have I felt like I was here by accident, that it was my own selfish drive that brought me to The Race. I mean, who would choose to live this transient life of abandonment on their own? Yes, there have been many moments to love this life, to rejoice in the abandonment and freedom of exploring the world, but it has also been challenging in so many ways. Either way, when it all comes down to it, the reason I am here is because I heard God’s call to come. He very clearly told me that this is what He had for me. He spoke into situations from my past that, at the time, had no rhyme or reason in their timing, and now, I see that it was those moments that aligned me to be here, at this time, with these specific people. And now, I’m not interested in giving it up.
I’m learning things about myself every day, things that I can fix to be better for those around me.
I’m learning things about the world and seeing things that open my eyes. I knew about poverty. I’m familiar with spiritual depravity.
I know the world needs God, and now I have a chance to bring Him to it.
God has been doing such great things through us. We poured love on the orphans in the Philippines. We planted a church in China. We’re now ministering to the souls of poor, physically abused children in Africa, who by no choice of their own suffer from HIV or tuberculosis.
We’re bringing HOPE where there was none.
I stood in church crying today, moved at the words of the minister and of the songs. The minister spoke of the servants in Matthew, entrusted with their master’s money. He talked about risking everything God’s given you to be called a “good and faithful servant” and to share in all the wealth that the Master has. The songs amplified God’s voice, saying “I have so much life to give the world. I see the poor and intend to send someone to rescue them,” and in response we sing, “Here I am, Lord, is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, Lord, send me, Lord. I will hold your people to my heart. I will go and never be the same.”
So, no matter what luxuries I dream about awaiting me at home, I know my place is here. Blessed will I be to believe that. I know it is what God has spoken. I have been given the opportunity to bless the world. Not a day on The Race goes by without me seeing how spoiled I’ve been, and in turn, I acknowledge my responsibility as a privileged citizen to minister to those less fortunate.
My only obstacle: my funding. I am $2500 short of our next deadline, quickly approaching in 16 days. This is the root of my back-and-forth thoughts. This is the reason my mind is playing with thoughts of going home. I am in an incredibly humbling place. My pride tells me that a smart girl like me, with a good job, should’ve thought ahead better, should’ve been able to avoid having to rely on others. But if I’ve learned anything these last few months, it’s that there are just some things I have to let God control. My funding is now out of my control, and was it ever in my control to begin with? My mother would say yes, the Spirit would say no? I just don’t know.
What I do know is that I need help. Can you help me? If you’ve been at all encouraged by this journey of mine, would you partner with me by sending money? I can’t do it without you.
Current financial status: $7,978.26
Upcoming Deadline: $10,500.00 by December 1st
A huge THANKS and I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVING, GIVING SWEET CAKES goes out to Jaclyn and Peter, Josh Taylor, Alysa Campbell, Mark Simcoe, Nathan Gallentine, Mitchell Lee, Lindsey Barber, Christyl Wilson, Warren Chancellor, and Ada Barber!!
P.S. I intend to fill you in on what happened in China real soon!!! Feels great to be reconnected to the online world, but I have quite a bit of catching up to do!
