Coming into Thailand and knowing the basis of our ministry, I knew it would be tough on me. After learning more about the ministry once arriving in Chiang Mai, I realized just how challenging ministry would be for me spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. This ministry is not for the lighthearted. Yeah poverty-stricken communities are heart breaking, but there is something about the Red-Light district and forced prostitution and sex trafficking that is debilitating.
We went out on Thursday for our first night of outreach. Yeah I was nervous and had reservations about this kind of ministry, but after a couple intercession sessions and time in thought and prayer, I knew I was ready for the bars. I even had a vision of a girl that God placed in my mind and my heart. I was ready to hit the streets.
(One of the bar areas off the main strip)
The first bar my group went into, our purpose was to pray. A girl from the bar has recently left to work at the Café associated with Love Acts and so there has been tension with the other girls who still work at the bar. We buy our drinks and sit down to pray. And for the record, we only buy non-alcoholic drinks. We are to set ourselves apart from others. So I will be drinking more Sprite in these 3 weeks than I have in probably the past 5 years. The music in this bar is so loud I can’t hear the other girls I am with much less think about anything. Then we see the girls with some ‘customers’. Middle aged men who are having some drinks and enjoying the presence of beautiful young Thai girls. It was pretty disgusting to watch. I had to continually avert my eyes elsewhere.
The second bar we went to was much quieter and more chill. This bar is closing in about 6 weeks. Reason? We don’t know. Is this a good thing? Maybe. If the bar closes, the girls will be free for whatever job they truly desire. Reality is that the bar life is what these girls think they are good at or feel that this is where they are to be and once this bar closes will simply begin to work at another one of the bars along this road. After awhile we bought a girl a drink and had her sit down with us. She was very joyful and loved telling us about all the adventurous stuff to do around Chiang Mai. Her English was not too shabby either.
But through this all, seeing how these girls act around men, seeing how older men get enjoyment out of this, and seeing how tourists of all ages and countries come here for Thai girls. I can’t be mad. I can’t be sad. I can’t be compassionate. I truly do feel emotionally void for this ministry. I see how other girls on my team get angry at the men and passionate for the girls, and I desire this. I want to help them, but when it comes to being emotionally invested. My gauge is at zero. I am still processing a lot. I am still praying continuously for this ministry. Maybe being emotionally void can be a good thing, but as of now I feel emotionally void is not allowing me to pour all of my heart into this ministry as I desire to do.
