I grew up with an abundance of encouragement and love. I grew up believing that I could do whatever I put my mind to and that I could be whatever I wanted in life. It took me a long time to realize the fault in this. I have limitations in my capabilities. I have met these limitations and have stared them in the face at various times throughout the years. I have not wanted to admit that I cannot control the circumstances of my life. I did not willingly give up my fierce independence. Even though I grew up in the church, it took me a long time to ever truly welcome God into my life and into my heart.
It took me a long time to realize that it is great to believe in yourself, but it is better to believe in God.
In 2004, I began to let my guard down with the Lord. I thought that I would have to search for him, but it turned out that as soon as I opened my eyes, he was standing right there before me, waiting.
In 2005 and 2006, I spent eight months in Iraq serving with the United States Air Force in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. There, the Lord and I continued to walk together and I began to get to know him.
In 2007, I faced the biggest challenges in my adult life. It was a rough year. By the end of it, my heart was full of anger and I had built a wall around my heart, had pushed away from letting people in, and didn’t invest in my relationships, including the new one I had with the Lord. In December, I hit rock bottom.
The day I hit rock bottom, I almost turned away from the Lord forever. He was not willing to let me go that easily. Despite how undeserving I am, He was willing to fight for me and He put somebody in my life that day that helped me to find my way back to him. I stopped blaming God and instead truly committed my life to Christ that day. Since then He has shown me more Truth than I ever knew in my entire life; he has drawn me closer than I ever thought possible and He has changed my heart in a way that only the Creator of the Universe could do. Since that time, I have tried to live my life for Him and, despite my frequent failures, I have experienced true happiness in my life for the very first time.
This year, I kept getting the feeling that God was calling me away from Michigan. I tried to ignore these things, but the feeling kept returning. Starting in May, I spent two months on a temporary duty assignment for the military in Colorado Springs. During that time, I clearly heard God’s voice telling me that He was calling me to something big:
“I have blessed you abundantly at home, but that is not where I want you right now.”
Darn.
I couldn’t ignore the feeling any longer. Without knowing what all of this meant, I decided to have faith and take action. I have always thought that plans are overrated and I wholeheartedly believe that God will take care of us when we are seeking him. So I didn’t plan, I just acted.
I knew I couldn’t be tied down at home so I flew home from Colorado to Michigan for one weekend and, with the help of my amazing family and friends, moved out of the house that I own and that I have lived in since I was two years old.
I came back to Colorado ready to listen to what God wanted to speak to me. That week I found the World Race. I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Again believing that God would lead me in the right direction I applied….and prayed that He would close that door. He didn’t and within about a week I was accepted. I had prayed that I would go wherever he wanted to lead me. Apparently, when you pray that prayer, you have to really be willing to follow through! The World Race is something bigger than I ever would have expected, but I know that it is what God has led me to. Knowing that helps me to have the strength, HIS strength, to do this.
I am still nervous and scared, but I know that it is what God wants from me. I know that God has amazing things in store for me and that He will use me in ways far beyond what I could ever comprehend at this time. I know that this will likely be the hardest and yet most rewarding year of my entire life. I know that God has called me. So with all of my faults, inadequacies, and fears, I am answering his call.
