For starters I’d like to apologize for not blogging in 5 months…thats so long! To be honest the past 5 months were really hard. For a lot of it my heart wasn’t in a good place. And as hard as it may be to believe, it was the farthest I’d felt from God in a long time. Not exactly what I expected to happen on the race but it was entirely my own fault. I stopped listening. And therefore my hard heart didn’t have much it wanted to blog about. But Im back!
Today I fasted from talking. Which turns out to be much more difficult than I expected. I decided to fast for multiple reasons. First off, I tend to talk a little to much and a little too soon. Second, I needed answers. Answers for so many questions; what am I supposed to do with my life when i get home? What does it look like to have faith? Am I living for you or for myself? How am I supposed to know whats you and whats my own thoughts? Why can’t I seem to have the faith in you I want? The list goes on and on.
The day wasn’t anything special. I didn’t leave the house, I read(a lot), I prayed, I washed my clothes(by hand), I tried really hard not to talk, and I listened. Oh and I laid with an ice pack on my overly sunburnt stomach. I didn’t have some huge epiphany but I did learn a lot today.
1. Too often I speak when I shouldn’t. There were several moments today where someone said something and my first thought was to make some smart ass remark. Or other times where I would immediately say something in my head and then realize that if I were to have said that out loud it wouldn’t have helped anything.
2. God created me this way for a purpose. From the way I look to the way I sound and the way I think. He knew what he was doing. He made each of us different not so that we would look at our differences as flaws but so that we could appreciate them. So that we would have to work together, so that we would each have our own unique relationship with him.
3. God gives us desires. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” (Philippians 2:13) Lately I had been wrestling with what to do when I get home. I had things I wanted to do and they were good things that would honor God but I still wasn’t sure if it was Gods will or mine. God places things on our hearts for a reason. And its our job to discern between our own selfish desires and his.
4. Faith doesn’t come overnight. I want the faith to heal the sick. I want the faith Jesus talks about in Matthew(“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain move from here to there and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20) And I wanted it now. But I realized thats not how it works. A healthy relationship doesn’t go from meeting to married overnight, and its the same with faith. You have to work at it, If I want that kind of faith I need to invest a hell of a lot more. I need to read. I need to spend more time praying and more time listening. I need to put in the effort.
5. If your focused on God and not yourself your probably on the right tack. Lastly, if you are always thinking about what you want and how you’ll get it your probably not alined with Gods will. But if you are focused on him, what your life can be in him, everything that he has to offer and what thats gonna take, you are most defiantly on the right track.
Thats what I learned today. Thanks for reading! Ill try not to wait another 5 months to write a blog!
