Its two months ago, I am sitting there wondering if this thing called the World Race is where I am supposed to be. I’ve never been one to hear what God was saying to me, is He talking to me or am I making it up in my head? I always chose the later, because I expect the voice to be a deep, powerful, loud voice. I am the type of person who needs a slap in the face instead of a whisper. So I made a pact with God: If I am Not supposed to go on the World Race, have me get in a car accident, not a bad one, no one getting hurt, but a car accident. This car accident was to be my sign, my slap in the face. As the days rolled by, and turned into weeks, training camp got closer and there was no accident, no fender bender holding me back. So I packed my bags for my two-week training camp.
Bags packed with my house (2 person tent), bed (sleeping pad), clothes and miscellaneous items I found myself still weary on my way to the airport. Shortly before I left, my cousin’s advice for me was “Just go with the flow, everything will work out.” It was good that those words were fresh in my mind, for I missed my first flight to Atlanta. Thankfully Minneapolis and Atlanta are both hubs for Delta, I waited a solid 20 minutes, got a Caribou Coffee and took my seat on my newly booked flight.
Training camp here I come.
Training camp was way different than I expected. I expected to learn how to minister to orphans, trafficked women and the homeless. What I didn’t expect was to get to camp and focus on myself. Over the two weeks we dug deep into emotions, forgiveness, comparison, intimacy, community and I would like to share them with you.
EMOTRIONS ARE OK. Learning about our emotions was how you would expect. We asked ourselves what am I feeling, and what are the things that made me feel like that. Our emotions are like a tree: the branches are our manifestations, trunk is the symptoms and roots are, well the roots. For example: I am crying (branches), because I am sad (trunk) because I have been abandoned (roots). Branches and trunks are a little easier to conceal or dismiss, but the roots and buried. They are intertwined and it takes time and effort to really remove them from your life. You are the way you are because of what happened in your past, but you don’t have to let that past dictate the way you view and handle the future. Feelings are real, and it is ok to have them, it doesn’t make you less of a person, but learn how to recognize, feel and be comforted for it.
FORGIVENESS IS NOT AN OPTION. Handling our emotions starts with forgiving those who have wronged us. Un-forgiveness makes us harsh, and it only harms ourselves. It is the process of forgiving and handling our emotions that heal, not time. With time can come forgetting, but forgetting is not the same as healing. So think of that person, or the thing that hurt you, and forgive them. You don’t need to trust them, but you need to forgive them, not for them, but for you.
COMPARISON KILLS. Comparing yourself to others, kills joy, kills unity and hinders your own characteristics. When we compare someone else’s beauty to our own, we hinder our own. Comparing may bring someone up, but it tares you down. Why is there a limited amount of beauty…intelligence…or anything? Who are we to determine who is better than who? Why can’t we all be beautiful and smart, and strong, and compassionate? WE are, YOU are. OWN who you are with all the quirkiness that entails, you were made that person for a reason!
INTAMCY is knowing God isn’t distant, He is right there with you. This is one I struggled with, for growing up I had the assumption God was this distant. When I prayed I looked to the sky and I never expected a response. I learned God is about relationship, not about religion. Talk to Him like He’s next to you, have a conversation instead of always asking for things. But then what?
How do you know if it’s God’s voice or your own? (this is where I struggled the most) You need to LISTEN.
For me, the first time I heard what He was speaking to me came in an exercise. We were to go to a person we felt drawn to, it could be anyone from our camp (300 people), and tell them whatever we felt and came to our mind. I had gone to a squad member and told him he was strong and he could get through all of this, and as a squad we were here for him. Why that’s what I said to him? I don’t know. It was what was in my head. It was God speaking to him through me. Unknown to me he was dealing with the 1 year anniversary of his fathers death at the end of our training camp. It wasn’t the loud deep strong voice I was waiting for, and it wasn’t the slap in the face I was looking for. It was a thought, a whisper. So talk to Him, and open your ears to what He is telling you.
COMMUNITY HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE US. Healthy community starts with good communication. We need to have intimacy and vulnerability with people in our lives. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and experiences who have earned the right to hear them. So be a person who listens, don’t take offense to what people say about you. It’s not because they don’t like you as a person, its because they don’t like the way your actions or words affected them. Make an effort to understand what people are saying, why there are saying it and how that affects their actions.
In my two weeks I gained community from 50 strangers. We went from strangers, to acquaintances, to squad-mates and straight to family. I am beyond grateful for these squad-mates who I will be spending my next 11 months with.
After two weeks of spiritual, emotional and physical growth, I could not be more excited for my trip! I got the slap in the face I asked for, but not in the way I expected. I AM WHERE I AM MEANT TO BE! I want to thank all of you who have listened to me, prayed for me and donated to me. As always if you have any questions or would like to talk, send me a message or shoot me a text or give me a call! 651.788.3530!
