Nobody promises you it will be easy. They don’t explain that you will literally be stretched in every direction possible: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. They expect you to show up with no expectations.
I knew Training Camp would be intense. I knew that I would struggle with particular things, but I also knew I would experience God like never before. When I arrived Saturday afternoon, I was as ready as I could be. I had read blogs about how God showed up and did miraculous things, so I was ready. I wanted to experience more of God. I wanted to hear Him, feel Him, and see Him. I didn’t have expectations for Training Camp, but I had expectations for God.
The first three days were intense. Everything was intense. The worship was intense. The sessions were intense. The sleeping arrangements were intense. People were experiencing God like I’d never seen before. It was beautiful. As I looked around in a particular worship session, you could see the intimacy people were experiencing with God on their faces. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, but I wasn’t feeling it.
I felt cheated and robbed. I felt like God had left me out, abandoned me. I couldn’t feel God. I couldn’t hear God. I couldn’t see God. I started to doubt what I was seeing and hearing. I began to ask myself questions like, “Why is everyone else getting a divine revelation and not me?” I had prayed about that! I wanted to experience God that way! I knew what I was getting myself into when coming to Training Camp, but was coming up empty handed every time.
I wanted to take my relationship with Him so much deeper than I had ever imagined, so I told Him that. I told Him about all the crap I was feeling. I told Him I was feeling abandoned. I told Him I felt left out and forgotten. Was this what God had planned for me? Did He intend on getting me this far for The World Race only to leave me hanging? Maybe He wanted to birth a new season in my life. I didn’t know. I had no clue what any of it meant.
In a moment of desperation and disbelief, I began to cry out to Him like never before. I begged for something more. I prayed a very specific prayer over and over again. If The World Race was something I was supposed to continue to do, then I wanted a peace. I wanted a peace that surpassed all understanding. If it wasn’t what He had planned for me, then I asked God to bring me someone who would literally tell me what the next season of my life would look like. I prayed this for approximately 20-25 minutes, over and over again. “God, give me peace or bring me someone. I trust you, Lord. Please don’t forget about me,” Just as I begin to give up hope again, I looked up to see a woman walking directly towards me. I knew what that meant. She was going to tell me that I needed to leave, that The World Race wasn’t for me. As she approached me, she put her hand on my shoulder and said “God wants you to have peace.” Then she walked away.
I felt like the world stopped spinning. In that moment, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Thank you, Jesus.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” –John 16:33
