Everything is a constant battle. She struggles with what is right and what is acceptable. She takes two steps forward, and three steps backward. She loses sleep at night worrying about the days to come. Everywhere she goes, someone judges her for her actions. Everything she says is condemned, and her words are twisted in the stories told. Her finances are practically nonexistent. Her fundraising has remained stagnant for several weeks. She tithes more than she ever thought she could, completely trusting God to bless her in return, but receiving nothing. Random strangers express their proud feelings for her, but her father doesn’t support her. Everyday she battles with something different then the day before. Discouraged is a word she’s become all too familiar with. She confessed sins to loved ones that she never thought possible, knowing God would move in her life.
Still nothing.
Her own friends begin to turn on her. It’s almost impossible to not feel the tension. What has she done wrong? Why does is feel like her entire world is spinning around her? Everything feels so out of reach.
Her arms and legs begin to shake as these words progress across the screen.
God, consume her soul. Light a fire in her that can only be described as the Holy Spirit. Help her see Your light. Help her to be honest and loving. Open her eyes to the unseen. Open her ears to the unheard. Help her dig out the positivity when all she hears and sees is negativity. Give her clarity and peace throughout her days to come. Help her witness. Wrap Your loving arms around her. Help her to write these words on this page…
Ever have those moments when all you want is the one thing you can’t have? I want my father to look me in the eyes and tell me he is the proudest he’s ever been of me. I want my mother to tell me I’m the daughter she’s always wanted. I want my friends to tell me that I’ve helped them, that I’ve planted a seed.
Ever have those moments when all you want to do is get away? But you can’t. You’re trapped. It feels like you’re suffocating. Every time I turn around, I feel like I’m slapped in the face with something else. It’s kind of like the phrase “when it rains, it pours”, you know?
I am exhausted. I am so sick and tired of fighting the devil. I used to joke with my friends about the devil’s attack. I would tell them that you knew you were doing something right when he was coming at you. If he was mad, then He was glad.
That must be the case now, too. Right?
