Forgiveness [fer-giv-nis] noun: the act of forgiving; disposition or willingness to forgive
I’ve only been a Christian for a small amount of time. I gave my life to Christ on July 29, 2010. Yes, that’s correct. I’ve only been a Christian for around two and half years. When I signed up for this (Christianity), I never imagined it would be so hard. I’ve had my fair share of sin, that’s for sure; but, I knew what it meant to give my life to Christ, and I knew the basic ground rules to be Christ-like. I knew that once I asked for forgiveness, it was done (1 John 1:9). I was forgiven, just like that. I later learned that I also had to forgive others (Matthew 6: 14-15). This wasn’t an easy concept for me. It was so easy to accept the forgiveness from Jesus, but now I had to forgive others, too?! Eh, I didn’t sign up for this! But with time and, most importantly, forgiveness from others, came my forgiveness for them.
I forgave him. I forgave her. I forgave my “friends”. I forgave my parents. I forgave. Period.
I lived my life the best that I could with lots of help and advice from others, but I kept making mistakes. I was giving into temptation, and I hated it. I knew I was wrong, and I often felt the burden on my shoulders. Yet, I continued to live in sin. I genuinely wanted to resist the temptation and draw closer to God (James 4: 7-8), but it was so hard. Everything was so hard.
Eventually, it wore me out. I was talking to a mentor of mine, a daughter of Christ who I have, and continue to, look up to, when everything came crumbling down. I confessed everything (James 5:16). Once I started the story, I couldn’t stop. I was saying things I had only ever thought before, let alone said aloud. It kept coming. Everything I had done, the double life I was living. Everything.
Then, it stopped.
All the words I couldn’t take back, all the sin I couldn’t redo, and the lies I was letting myself believe lingered for what felt like an eternity. I sat in her office staring at the ground, waiting for a dispute. I expected her to be angry, upset, or disappointed. I expected her to kick me out of her office, unable to look me in the eyes. Instead, all she said was, “Forgive yourself.” There it was. The answer I had been longing for; the part I was missing was right in front of me. I had to forgive myself. But even that was hard.
It’s still hard. There are days when I feel completely unworthy of His love. There are days when I can feel His mercy pouring over me, and I do everything I can to shake it off. All it takes is for someone to say one word, and my past comes flooding through my mind, all the sin and lies bombard my thoughts. It’s so hard to forget it. It's so hard to cast it as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). But that's okay. Jesus did it for me, and He continues to do it everyday.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
The old is gone.
The old is gone.
The old is gone.
…and just like that. It’s gone. I don’t live in my past, but for the future I have in Jesus Christ. I am thankful for where my past led me- right into the arms of Christ. And, I am thankful that I never have to go back because I am a new creation.
