I’ve been home from the race for a little over a month now and am easing back into life in America slowly, but surely. I had hoped to update everyone on my life post-race before now, but the harsh realities of transitioning back into “typical daily life” took me down a lot harder than I had anticipated. No matter how much you prepare for reentry, it will never be enough. The reality of the race can only be experienced and words do not give it proper justice. It is so much more than just words… it is a life changing experience.
Everyone has been wonderful in welcoming me back, though being back has been a tough adjustment. I’ve had to wrestle with a lot of emotions, confusion, and loneliness before I could even begin the actual process of reentering life at home. Home is everything that they tell you it’s going to be. It’s weird, it’s hard, it’s full of a lot of things, yet it feels completely empty all in the same breath. Home is expected to be a place of comfort, love and acceptance as it always has been, but you soon realize that everything is different. You’re different. The challenge in front of you is figuring out how to implement the new you in an old world.
Time. Patience. Grace. Hard Conversations. Tears. A whole lot of Jesus.
I was craving comfort and not the kind that is fulfilled through puppy kisses, my warm bed, or good conversations over a beer with friends and family. I craved the assurance of being understood and remaining in a place of solidarity. I wanted everyone to be able to relate to what I had just experienced, and therefore instantly recognize why my heart has changed so much. I had hoped that the weight of every tear, heartache, prayer, and moment of awe I now carry in my heart would be equally held onto as others listened to my stories from the year.
At the end of the day, my loved one’s didn’t sign up for the race. They signed up to be my support system, to cheer me on from the sideline, while I partook in the actual journey. Their lives continued on during those 11 months and were full of just as much change, challenges and celebrations. We are all fighting for the commonality of being understood. The difficulty lies in figuring out how to meet back in the middle, without expecting the other to compromise their reality.
My reality has drastically changed. I have seen and experienced things I can’t even begin to articulate to someone who asks, “How was your year?” Rather than accepting that as a burden, the Lord is showing me how beautiful it is to hold something in my heart that only He and I fully understand. Through a lot of tears and many failed attempts in expressing my feelings to those around me, I am finally in a place of peace. Coming home from this journey is a beautiful, yet challenging period for everyone involved.
Sometimes in life we try to run as far as we can from discomfort. But the truth is, if we always remain in a place of comfort and ease, change would never occur. Growth would never be the outcome. The World Race wrecks you. It isn’t just 11 months of traveling around the world. Yes, It is a year spent in some incredible places, but also in some really heartbreaking circumstances. It is a year of living in constant community, learning how to develop healthy relationships through trial and error, and ultimately recognizing that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. It is a year learning how to lean on the Lord for truth, direction, and understanding when nothing but hopelessness, heartache and brokenness lie in front of you. Somewhere in the midst of it all, your perspective shifts, your heart grows bigger than you think your chest could contain, and a fire ignites in your soul. The World Race is a “refining process.” It shakes up your world and spits you back out at the end as a beautiful butterfly, ready to launch into the rest of your life.
Thank you to everyone who has been following my journey.
Stay tuned to find out where the Lord is leading me next.
With Love,
Jami
