Do you ever sit back, and just reflect on your life? Have you ever had one of those moments where your heart is all of a sudden overwhelmed with this surreal feeling of Grace?
I have known that I am going on the World Race for many months now. I was accepted in October, and since that moment, the journey to come has been a constant in my mind. Whether that constant is preparing financially, mentally, physically, it has at times been all consuming. I can very easily get caught up in the stress-fullness of raising the funds to fulfill this path that I feel I am destined to go on. I began to see myself falling into this exhausting trap of logging on to my profile every morning to check to see what percentage I am now funded. Days where nothing new is in my account, I feel very discouraged and convinced that I won’t be able to actually pull this off. I have had days where I would go into Rei or Jax with this determined mindset to buy all of my gear, or at least get started. Even with a detailed list in hand, I would end up leaving with nothing because I couldn’t mentally organize everything that I actually need for this next year. This is not a post to talk about the load on my plate as far as getting ready to leave for 11 months, but rather to share how wonderful God is and how he is working in my life right now.
I am currently reading a book by Alan Kroft, a guest pastor who spoke at a church of a friend that I recently attended. The book is all about the Holy Spirit and this concept that if we want to hear from God, feel Jesus’ love, and experience the Holy Spirit working in our lives, we have to be thirsty for it. I am guilty and have been for a lot of my life, of only being thirsty when it’s convenient for me. Something goes wrong, and we expect to pray about it and God will just come along and fix it. We think calling ourselves Christians, praying every once in awhile, and generally being a good person is enough for God to work in our lives when WE need him to. We have it all wrong. I think too often we experience failures, hardships, weaknesses, and instantly question God, not understanding why this obstacle has been placed in our life. We look at these weaknesses as such a burden, when in reality they are a gift, a reminder that we need to constantly be seeking God, through the good and the bad times. The Spirit wants to feel needed always.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Back to the obsessing over my financial situation, last week I spent some time really praying and thinking about where I am with it all. I came to this conclusion that I am going to have to put full faith in God and his timing. Faith that it will all work out how it is supposed to. That of course does not mean that I can discontinue being proactive as far as fundraising, but that checking my status bar EVERY morning is not going to make it move any further towards being fully funded. I felt a bit discouraged on Saturday and to myself said, “Okay Jami, enough.” I prayed a lot that day, really asking God to help me feel more at peace, that things will work out as they should. I had this realization that my life, my future, my current situation is all up to God. That evening, God reassured me beyond my expectations. Not only did a few of my regulars at work come in and tell me that they had just set up a monthly donation for me, but a coworker and wonderful friend approached me and explained how she had reached out to one of her family members, telling her about my journey. This woman who I don’t even know is not only willing to donate towards my mission, but also provided a handful of other addresses she would like me to send my fundraising letter to. Faith in God includes Faith in his Timing.
I went to leave work that evening, and just sat in my car with this overwhelming feeling of God and his Grace. I just smiled and tears of joy began to flow. Not only am I about to embark on this incredible journey to share God’s love to people that potentially have never heard of him, but I am also experiencing His love on a level that I did not even know was possible. I cannot believe that he has chosen ME to share his awesomeness around the world. To feel Him working in my life as He is now, and know that I can help others to experience this love, is such an incredible feeling.
This book that I am reading, More by Alan Kroft, is helping me to understand on a much deeper level, that if we want to feel God working in our lives, we have to be thirsty for him.
“He is not looking for the able, competent, the perfect, the well-adjusted, the successful, the self-sufficient. Quite the opposite. The spirit is looking for those who are aware of how much they need him.”
We cannot expect Him to show up and guide us only when WE need Him to, but must be thirsty always! I have a whole new understanding of what it means to be fully reliant on God, because up until this point, I don’t think I have ever been placed in a situation where I have had to be. I can be as proactive as I possibly can be, but at the end of the day, it’s all up to him.
God is doing something amazing in my heart right now and I cannot wait to help others experience that throughout these upcoming 11 months! The more that I seek him, the more his plan for me and my life surfaces.
With love to you all,
Jami
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
