His name is M—k. He’s Polish, and he is a mentally confused sex addict. He was showing up at Kawan to help out and he had been well-behaved for quite some time. The only reason he was allowed to serve there is because he wanted help to overcome his addiction.
He came off as a very interesting and awkward individual at first. But as time went on, he became more and more forward in his advances to some of our girls. One day he made one of our girls so uncomfortable that she had to leave for the day. When this was brought to the attention of the supervisors at Kawan, they decided that M—k should not be allowed to volunteer anymore, yet he was still welcome to join for the meals and teachings. Yet he persisted in his sexual advances and again one of our girls felt so uncomfortable that she had to leave, and Marek this time was banned from returning in any manner. This was Wednesday of last week.
On Friday, Will Diefenbach and I were posted outside the main entry, just in case. As we sat out at our posts, Will are I reminisced about previous times in the race when some unfortunate things had happened, such as when a large sum of money was stolen from another team. “How I wished we would have been there to stop that!” we said. And now was our chance to be filled with holy anger and unrestrained jealousy in defending our girls. This time we could do something about it and be justified; we will not allow our girls to be harassed; he will not pass through those doors. And if he did show up, it was going to be a showdown. Oh, the whoopin’ he would get!
But there was another part of me, let’s call it “Jesus”, that hurt deeply for this man. I wondered: In all his time volunteering here, had he ever received the gospel in full, the message of God’s grace? Had he ever been prayed over to be released from his addictions? Sometimes it works! Thus I also had a burning desire within me to give this man the time of day, to hear him out like a friend, to share with him the full message of God’s grace in Christ, and thus to offer him whatever help I could in talking with him. This was the alternative to confrontation. And I began wondering what I should say to convince him to sit down with me at a lounge across the street so that I could minister to him as well as keep him out of Kawan, if in fact he did dare come by.
He dared. As he walked up, I greeted him with a smile and handshake, said I had heard the unfortunate news about him being restricted from Kawan, said I’d like to hear his side of the story, and coaxed him to sit down and chat at the lounge across the street. He took the bait, and we did just that.
I would like to tell you everything he said, but his confusion was so great that as he spoke I would often have to remind myself of the truth as his words entered my ears. He is a very, very confused man, and for the sake of any of my female teammates and their parents who may read this I will not repeat the great majority of what he said. We sat and deliberated for hours, until Kawan closed. I shared the gospel with him, relating to it through nearly every point in which he was mentally confused. He said he wanted Christ to set him free, but when I said that he would have to submit his life to Christ he refused. Yet I gave him my bible as a a gift and Will and I prayed over him. That was it for Friday.
When this past Monday came around, we did it again. During these times he was very upfront in his speech, and therefore so was I. He was convinced that he was an entity higher than God, calling himself The Absolute. He called God a pervert and said that God was his tool. He said that his purpose is to rise to political power in the US first, then become president of the European Union, then the world, then he will bring about the end of the world. I am not lying, he said this. He said that his mind is infinite and can comprehend all things, but there is a void where his heart is, that he has no heart. He said that right now his speech amounts to nothing and he is powerless, but when he gets certain “love feelings” that he was hoping to find through some of the female volunteers at Kawan, he would be filled with power and his speech would be convincing and he would be able to compell his way to political power. Whenever he got like this, I reminded him of the emptiness of his heart, emptiness that he had admitted to and that only Christ could fill. He would sober up a little and agree that he needed Christ, but as soon as I mentioned to him about confessing with his mouth and believing that Jesus is Lord he would retort with, “I don’t need Jesus, in fact, Jesus needs me!” This reminded me all the more that that is the defining line between who will be saved and who won’t be: You can say all the good things about Jesus that you want, do all the good things you can do, agree that you need him so much, agree with his word up and down the wazoo, and never cross the line into salvation which is making him the Savior and Lord or your life. “This is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” John 17:3. Gotta know him and He’s gotta know you (Matthew 7:23). Because we would be leaving the following week, I decided to report to the Kawan administrators everything he said, that they may decide what to do after we leave and I’m not longer there to occupy his time.
On Wednesday, two days ago, he showed up again. This time there was no mercy. He told that if he did not leave immediately the police would be called. “I am The Absolute! You don’t know what you are doing! Here I stand as Jesus outside your doors and I see you are ready to crucify me!” Before he walked away he returned my bible, which I later found to be defiled with perverted things written in some of the pages. “You are very patient with him, James.” said Hannah, one of the volunteers at Kawan. “Why are you so patient with him?” “It’s only because of Jesus who lives in here.” I said, pointing to my heart. “Why did you give him your bible?” “Because I had hoped.” And I still hope that he will recognize his need to humble himself before the Lord Jesus and be saved. Because even though his sin is so grievous to us, the fact is that we are all fallen sinners in God’s sight, no worse nor any better than him. But God’s love and mercy is so great that during this time of his favor he even tolerates those who speak abusively against him, that we may have the time we need to come to him to be saved. 2 Peter 3:8-9 “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” Yes, the Lord’s patience is great, and only by his spirit was I able to be patient with this man. Yet we have one more day left to work at Kawan, and I will once again be there to meet him and share the love of God with him if he dares to come, but so help me God, he still will not enter through those doors.
The whole experience has been very draining on me, sitting there with him for hours, assaulted by the same confusion that assaults him every day. Yet God’s grace has been with me because as he spews confusion I can almost feel the words passing through a barrier around me which reveals the lies so that I myself am not caught up by them. Some of the lies are blatant, many are extremely subtle. It’s the most divinely protected I’ve felt the whole race, as if the shield of faith is extinguishing the arrows right in front of me. I have also learned a lot through this experience. Since he speaks lies so bluntly and boldly, I have felt permissed to speak the truth of God to him bluntly and boldly and call out his lies in similar fashion. It’s been a great experience of “shooting straight” and not being afraid to say things that may offend. And God has shown me elsewhere that having a gift of teaching means that sometimes I’m going to have to offend people with the truth, so I might as well get used to it. After all, Jesus was the greatest teacher, but he was also the most offensive! with the truth! So we’ll just add one point to the boldness scale for James through this experience. Yay Jesus!
