“The end of *the world race* is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.” (1 Peter 4:7)
This is the end of the world race. It came like a thief in the night: month 1, month 2 BAM month 11 end. It didn’t really hit me until our bbq banquet last night when everyone was taking “last” pictures again. I didn’t even know what to think, but I know what I began to feel. I felt sad. I like these guys. These are my friends, brothers and sisters. I have no concept of what my group of friends looks like except for these people here, with the exception of a few others back home.
I began to reflect on the past eleven month’s experiences. There is so much to think about, so much to process, so many stories, but yet I have no idea what to say when some well-intentioned person asks, “How was it?” Ha. I appreciate the good will, but it’s gonna take some time to unscramble this egg. So I hope no one minds me saying, “It was good,” just the same as when I’m asked how breakfast was this morning; I probably had scrambled egg, too. But more specific questions will probably have more satisfactory answers.
Sorry, my thoughts are scrambled in this blog, too.
It’s hard not to see this as an end. It is an end, but it’s also a beginning. God takes his children from glory to glory, but in order for us to go to the next one we’ve got to leave the current one behind. I remember a mission trip I took with my church in 2008 that changed my life. Actually, it’s what didn’t happen on that trip, rather than what did happen, that changed my life. It was a week-long trip to Panama City beach in Florida, and the focus was evangelism instead of a service. I sucked that trip up. Didn’t really have any good conversations with anyone, when I did have a conversation I found I had so little knowledge of God’s word that I was more just giving my own opinions instead of truth. But through that experience God gave me a hunger to know his word so that I might be able to speak more and more truthfully and insightfully into people’s lives if and when I needed to. I’ve grown a lot in knowledge of his word and still have much more growing to do, but now I sense that he is using the experiences of this trip to move my focus in another direction: discipleship. I’ve seen how important and fundamental it is to a person’s redemption, but I have very little idea how to actually do it, to “feed the sheep” so to speak, for more than a few weeks at most. I’ve learned a lot (couldn’t give you a list of half of it though) and one thing I’ve definitely learned is how little I know and how much more learning and growing I have before me.
And about that: Although I’m sure I’ve changed a lot (I have little idea how though) I’m coming off this experience feeling more human than ever. I hope no one will have the expectation that I’m “above” them in some way now that I’ve been around the world as a missionary; In fact, I’m more humbled than ever. I don’t think I’ll come off as “super-religious” or “super-spiritual” in any way; God I hope not, though I might be a little more wierd! So don’t anyone feel like they have to put on a good facade when they’re around me. I’ll probably see right through it. And though I thought that coming on this race would fix all my problems somehow, I found that God’s grace is soooooooo sufficient and our weaknesses are opportunities to walk in faith in the strength God provides and that they also cause us to continue to seek his provision every day whenever we feel weak. If we respond appropriately in our weakness we will seek the peace and strength of our Father and grow in relationship and understanding of Him. In fact, I’m convinced that he lets us have weaknesses for this very purposes, because if we were never weak we would never have need of knowing him, when in fact “this is eternal life: to know the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he has sent.” (John 17:3) So in fact we are drawn into eternal life through relying on him in our weaknesses.
That said, I’m going to have plenty of opportunities to be drawn further into eternal life in the next few months as I readjust to life in the states, move, make new friends, figure out life… but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to do this, and in all the unknowns I’m about to face, I know God is faithful. So bring it on.
Thank you to all my supporters!
