Learning to Live Loved

Can I just start with the fact that God is mysterious!  I think He is a big fan of uncertainty,
not of confusion, but of uncertainty. 
My God is not a god who requires me to understand everything, but only
asks that I trust in Him and step out in my uncertainty to follow Him.  With that said, I can admit that I am
terrible with dealing with uncertainty. I like to “know” things.  That, my friends, is what this month
has looked like for me: sitting in absolute uncertainty.  I would like to share a story that I
read this month that paints a beautiful picture of where God is leading me, and
then I would like to ask for prayer.

To give you a little context, the story I am about to share
with you comes from a book called The Shack.   (Please read it if you ever get the chance!)  In the story, a father named Mack
(Mackenzie) falls away from the Lord after his youngest daughter is kidnapped
and murdered.  Years later Mack has
an encounter with God in a shack in the woods.  In the excerpt you are about to read, Mack is talking with
God’s wisdom, here personified as a woman. 

“You must choose two of your children to spend
eternity in God’s new heavens and new earth, but only two.”

“What?” he erupted, turning to her in disbelief.

“And you must choose three of your children to
spend eternity in hell.”  Mack couldn’t believe what he was
hearing and started to panic.

“Mackenzie,” her voice now came as calm and wonderful as first he heard it; “I am only asking you to do something that
you believe God does. He knows every person ever conceived, and he knows them
so much deeper and clearer than you will ever know your own children.  He loves each one according to his
knowledge of the being of that son or daughter.  You believe he will condemn most to an eternity of torment,
away from his presence and apart from his love.  Is that not true?”

“I suppose I do. I’ve just never thought about
it like this.”  He was stumbling over his words in his
shock.  “I just assumed that somehow God could do that.  Talking about hell was always sort of
an abstract conversation, not about anyone that I truly…” Mack hesitated;
realizing that what he was about to say would sound ugly, “not about anyone that I truly cared about.”

“So you suppose, then, that God does this
easily, but you cannot? Come now, Mackenzie.  Which three of your five children will you sentence to
hell?  You are the judge, Mackenzie
and you must choose.”

“I don’t want to be the judge,” he said, standing up.  Mack’s mind was racing. This couldn’t
be real.  How could God ask him to
choose among his own children? 
There was no way he could sentence any of his children to an eternity in
hell just because they had sinned against him.  He couldn’t. For him, it wasn’t about their performance; it
was about his love for them.  “I can’t do this,”  he said softly. 

“You must,” she replied.

“I can’t do this,” he said louder and more vehemently.

“You must,” she said again, her voice softer.

“I…will…not…do…this!” Mack yelled, his blood boiling hot inside
him. 

“You must,” she whispered.  

“I cant. I cant. I wont!”  he
screamed, and now the words and emotions came tumbling out.  The woman just stood, watching and
waiting.  Finally he looked at her,
pleading with his eyes, “Could I go
instead?  If you need someone to
torture for eternity, I’ll go in their place.  Would that work? Could I do that?”  He fell at her feet, crying and begging now.  “Please let me go for my children,
please, I would be happy to…please, I am begging you.  Please…please!”

“Mackenzie, Mackenzie,” she whispered, and her words came like a
splash of cool water on a brutally hot day.  Her hands gently touched his cheeks as she lifted him to his
feet.  Looking at her through
blurring tears, he could see that her smile was radiant.  “Now you sound like
Jesus.  You have judged well,
Mackenzie.  I am so proud of you!”

“But I haven’t judged anything,” Mack offered in confusion.

“Oh, but you have. You have judged them worthy
of love, even if it cost you everything. 
That is how Jesus loves!”

I believe this story is a beautiful picture of God’s love
for us: God’s love for me!  And for
you!   Unfortunately, I have a
hard time living in that truth.  I
have a hard time living like I am actually loved like that.  I ‘know’ God loves me, but I don’t live
out my daily life in that freedom.  
At the top of this blog, I mentioned that God is a god of
uncertainty.  That all God asks of
us is to trust Him and step out in our ‘un-knowing’.  Well that’s where I am.  I am definitely uncertain, but I am finding it hard to trust
in Him and step out with uncertainty. 
Growth means change and change involves risk: stepping from the known to
the unknown.  I came on this race
to grow: to grow in my relationship with God and in my faith, but “faith does
not grow in the house of certainty.” 

“Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved.”