Hey all you awesome people who read this! Thanks for taking the time to actually do so. I appreciate you.
This is a blog about what's been going on with me in my mind…it's me being honest with you. For the past few weeks I have been struggling with committing. I was unsure I wanted to commit to the World Race. To the fundraising, the details, the planning, the prayer, the year of missions…the trust. I almost took a job in AK and bailed on my WR plans. I almost cut my losses and bailed. Honestly, I doubt a lot. I doubt myself…I doubt God. Questions abound in my head. Questions like; Does God really want me on the WR?, What do I have to offer to my team and others? Can I really raise enough money? What if I hate it? What if I fail? What if…And then the lies start pouring in. Lies like, I'm not gifted enough, It was only a good idea, I can't follow through, God can't use someone like me, I'm not courageous enough..and so on.
I'd be lying if I said I don't still think about those questions and lies. I still do. I still doubt. I wish I didn't, but I do. It's so hard sometimes; this is the biggest thing in my life I've ever had to rely on God for.
Amidst the doubt and questions I made a decision (after much prayer, journaling, and conversations). I would commit to this year of missions and see what happened. I would trust God to provide and to help me overcome my doubt. As I sit in Caribou Coffee in Eau Claire, WI watching the rain out the window and listening to 'the Lord Our God' the battle rages in my mind. The truth and the lies.
It's a struggle through and through.
Thanks for struggling with me. It feels good to be honest with you.
By the grace of God,
James
"Promise maker, promise keeper
You finish what you begin
Our provision through the desert
You see it through 'til the end
The Lord our God is ever faithful
Never changing through the ages
From this darkness You will lead us
And forever we will say
You're the Lord our God"
