We spent most our time in Guatemala hanging out and loving on some kids at a girls hone, and just a little bit of time with parents on the PVT trip. So for this edition of our marriage recap, you get a two part story.
For Kristin and I, this was our first time at a ministry like this. We lived on site at a home for girls who were placed there by the court system. Our ministry was to do life with these girls and support the staff any way possible. We got our own room in the compound (that makes 3 months now) but we had community everything else.
So Kristin and I have been married for almost 5 years (and I’m hoping she’ll agree to another 5 at least) but we don’t have any kids, obviously. Now we have 27 kids, all girls. Half of them are teenage girls. Luckily our nieces and nephews prepared us.
I saw my wife love on all of them. She put their hearts in front of her own desires. In days when she just wanted to nap, she instead went and sat in the hammock with 2 or 3 girls. She let a girl fall asleep in her lap, even though she didn’t feel particularly comfy. And she let the 3 year old put her hair in a ponytail, sort of.
I saw my wife put those kids as priority. And it meant the world to them. Those hugs and bedtime kisses, that was the best ministry she could do that month. And that is wonderful trait for a wife and possible mother someday. I was so proud to call her mine.
For myself, I worked on a lot of maintenance tasks. I fixed a roof, repaired some electrical outlets, and fixed a leaky sink. But I realized that really wasn’t what meant the most to those girls. The times I played with them, or the times I was just there to hug them, that is what they loved. “Parenting” for me required a balance of the “work-James” and the “uncle-James”. I know now to watch myself in the future to make sure my family never gets ignored.
If you are married and considering the Race, be prepared to find out what kind of parent your spouse will be. Or be prepared to find out how you may parent differently. As weird as it sounds, you may have to do it for a month.
PVT
The Parent Vision Trip (PVT) came at the end of the month. Kristin’s dad, Dan, came and I was lucky enough to claim him as my parent too!
From a marriage perspective, PVT wasn’t what I expected. In fact I didn’t think being married would affect it at all. But it did. Not in the usual ministry though. What happened was, not all parents can wrap their mind around being married and doing the Race. (Which is understandable. Kristin and I have said more than once that we are, in fact, insane.)
It all started at breakfast the one morning. Two of our awesome squadmates gave the parents a quick rundown on feedback. I was paying attention but was enjoying just sitting and watching. The girls gave a great example of real feedback they have given and received, and it sparked a question from a dad: “Can you do this with James, too?”
You see, not only was I the only married guy, I was the only guy racer present. After reaffirming that we’re on equal playing fields the conversation spun towards Kristin and I. It hit me then that feedback may not be apart of every marriage. Now all of a sudden Kristin and I start talking about how we give each other feedback, how we share some with the team, and how we learned early on that doing so made for a healthier community. Tensions between a couple is felt by the family.
That might by a hard thing for families to consider. I know for me, it’s hard to receive it from Kristin. Not because I don’t respect her, it is because I respect her opinion the most. I care more about what she thinks of me than anyone else. I hate feeling like I ever let her down. So feedback in a marriage is different.
God used us in different ways this month. As usual it was not as Kristin and I had planned. But His plan always seems to come out so much better in the end. Be ready for changes on your race. Plans change, expectations are dashed, but God will always stay your constant.
