It’s my turn to write the marriage recap and honestly, last month wasn’t fun. Don’t get me wrong, our ministry in Malaysia was a great group. Our host was wonderful. Kuala Lumpur was a great city that felt like it could have been in the U.S. if we didn’t look too closely. If you’re a married couple considering the race, keep in mind that a great ministry will not always equal a great month for your marriage.
Our ministry was a wonderful organization, but it was not one that Kristin and I connected with. Kristin worked in a classroom everyday from 8:00 to 4:30. She does not easily connect with kids we are not related too (to put it lightly – check out her blog “The Ones That Are Hard To Love” for a better picture). The classroom drained her daily. She was tired by the time we got supper and wanted nothing more than to just shut her brain off and read or sleep.
I worked with the maintenance group and spent two days helping out at a coffee shop that the organization used to teach teens how to work in a real life setting. It was fun, but not always fulfilling. I was not busy all the time and that made me feel guilty knowing that the rest of the team was. It was hard for Kristin and I but in different ways.
At the end of the day when we were drained and tired, we came back to our small room… that we shared with the guys on our team. Four of us in a small room with bunk beds. No privacy. There was a small open common area outside the rooms with a single love seat. No other couches, no chairs in our room, no room to do anything but be on the beds. We couldn’t have real conversations all the time. We couldn’t even fight properly. That’s not healthy. It was hard.
But this story has some silver linings……..
Kristin and I were able to put in to practice some things we learned this month. We learned that we cannot fully rely on the other person to make us happy, to make us better. We love each other and care for each other immeasurably, but we are human. I fail sometimes, Kristin does too. Too expect the other to “fix” us when we are sad, hurting, or blah is like skydiving without the parachute. You might make it, but more likely you are just setting yourself up for failure.
God is stronger than our spouses though, and He loves us. We need to remember to rely on Him when our strength fails. We still support each other, love each other, and care for each other, but we do not expect it be perfect. We just do our best. God is perfect. For myself, I find more joy in life and in hardships when I am spending time with Him daily and trusting my worries to Him.
Lastly, I’ve mentioned before that something I have been working on is being more intentional with loving Kristin. For me that means taking a fair share in planning dates and doing it with purpose and excitement. We have probably mentioned before how important it is to get away. In Malaysia, we went across town for a night. We stayed in a nice hostel with out own room. Small, but it was our own. It was perfect. We walked to a rain forest park inside the city. It was beautiful. And then it rained…..and it was beautiful.
It was the most fun we had had all month. We waited it out for a bit and then finally ran through the park to try and get out before it rained hard again, only to find that we were locked in. But God provides. This time in the form of a WiFi signal. My phone was at 5% battery but I found a free WiFi signal, and got an Uber to come pick us up. Kristin found a place where we could hop the fence and within a few minutes we were warm and dry and on our way back to our hostel.
So for all the couples out there considering the Race, here’s what I’ve been learning. It can be the most fun you have had, but it will be the hardest thing you’ve experienced so far. You will be doing life together and it is like accelerating your marriage. Talks, fights, realizations, and moments that may have come over the course of five years will happen to you all within 11 months. Be there for each other, but do not put your spouse above God because it will not work. Love each other. Fight it out. Be intentional.
