Month 11. Our final month in the field. Almost a full year doing this thing. I thought maybe by now we’d have it figured out. After a double dose of manistry in month 10 (meaning we were on separate teams and in separate places for a month), month 11 should have just been a happy reunion, some future planning, and ministry as usual. But we actually have a final lesson to share. A truth that we can take home with us.
For Kristin and I, the last year has been exciting and at the same time very challenging. I have compared it before to putting your marriage in a pressure cooker. It has accelerated growth in our marriage which means lots of talks and/or arguments. The second manistry month was tough because we missed each other, but the month after was one with some of those talks and arguments I mentioned.
Looking back, we realized the month after the first manistry was hard, too. Why? Those should be months of bliss. A glorious reunion, not a boxing match. What we realized is that when we spent a month apart, our behaviors and thought processes would change. We started to take care of ourselves again and not having to care for a spouse. We did whatever we wanted. Our expectations were set and met by ourselves and ourselves only. We became more selfish than we would normally be if we were living together.
This is not a terrible thing to do. But it does cause a problem when you reunite and don’t realize why there is tension. Kristin felt like I was forgetting about her and even ignoring her at the start of this last month. I was doing what I wanted to do and not being intentional about hanging out with her. Sometimes I would get myself a small snack or buy myself a pip without thinking of offering any for her, which is something I normally do not do. On the other side of things, Kristin was setting expectations for me but not telling me, and then getting upset at me when I would not meet them.
We figured it out eventually. Now we have another skill to take home with us too. Any time one of us needs to travel for work, or for a weekend away, we know to make a point to get back on track with each other when we reunite. To refocus.
This year has been a crazy experience for our marriage and ourselves individually. We hope these recaps have given other couples insights into life on the race and helped prepare you for what you might expect. Kristin and I are home now. Back to warm showers and comfy beds. We are looking forward to what God has next for us and are working hard to walk with him. Thank you for following along with us during our Race, and for supporting us.
