My Christmas this year was tragic. To be completely honest, it did not really feel like Christmas at all. It kind of came and went. Without family (besides James), without my close friends, without traditions, cookies, multiple presents, traditional food . . . and all the rest. James and I fought. Things were tense. There was this void where Christmas was supposed to be, and we could not seem to fill it. Christmas came and went.
My Christmas this year was beautiful. The girls on our team went out saree shopping and rocked some beautiful Indian attire. We joined in with our ministry family here for a 10:00pm – 2:00am Christmas Eve celebration. It was colorful, it was loud, it was joyful. There was chai, cookies, cake, firecrackers, skits, dances, songs, games, a bonfire, and a lot of laughter. Christmas morning we donned our sarees again for morning service. It was supposed to start at 11, it did start at 12, and it went until about 2. It was colorful, it was loud, it was joyful.
This year I learned what I truly want from Christmas. I want it to be tragically beautiful. As fun and as amazing as the Christmas activities are here in India, I missed the quiet candle light church services. I miss the quiet carols that we sing that are full of cheer, but yet full of longing and despair. . .
O Come, O Come Emmanuel
Oh Holy Night
Oh Little Town of Bethlehem. . .
Oh . . . how tragic is the thought of Christmas. Our human race was so lost that there was no escape plan that we could pull off. We were hopeless and without a savior. Our sinful nature had doomed us. To quote a book that Jesus loved to quote, and I have it on pretty good authority that it still applies to us today – “Woe to the sinful nation a people whose guilt is great, a brood of evildoers, children given to corruption! They have forsaken the Lord; they have spurned the Holy One of Israel and turned their backs on him.” Isaiah 1:4, NIV
And to quote it in a way that Jesus never did . . .
“My people don’t know up from down.
Shame! Misguided God-dropouts,
staggering under their guilt-baggage,
Gang of miscreants,
band of vandals—
My people have walked out on me, their God,
turned their backs on The Holy of Israel,
walked off and never looked back.”
Isaiah 1:4(ish), MSG
How tragic is the thought that the greatest being in all of the universe had to belittle and shame Himself for a people who do not even want Him. But He did it anyway. He did it because He wants us.
At the beginning of this month I was reading a wonderful book that I would very much recommend. In this book the author was imagining how Jesus and his disciples’ friendship must have developed. Much like any friendship there is the awkward stage, the feeling each other out stage, and then finally the sigh of relief, the comfort of each other’s presence, and the ability to be your true self. The author imagines Jesus and his disciples sitting around and finally getting to that moment of comfort, truth, and friendship. Finally . . .
“For the first time since that cruel day in Eden, God was sitting down with the people he loved and they were not cowering in fear.” – He Loves Me!: Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection by Wayne Jacobsen
. . . God used to walk with us in a garden, and we dismissed Him. We cast Him away. Through all of the old testament He had to come in non-human forms. He was smoke, fire, voices, whispers. Shoes had to be removed. Seeing His face meant death. Touching something that contained His holiness meant death.
We had to be distant from our once very-real-and-near God. God is so pure, so holy, so good our wickedness meant that His goodness was actually fatal to us.
During all of this time, I believed that God ached. This was not His plan. This was not His dream. How could He come near to us again?
So He became “Lowly and small, the weakest of all, Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl.” (How Many Kings by Downhere – great song).
Tragically beautiful.
Christmas is definitely a celebration. It is beautiful. It is love and giving and joy and salvation. But it is also a deep longing. A regret of our sinful selves. It is a tragic event where God had to make Himself little, because we had already belittled Him so much. He came down to be with us once again. And I believe He wiped away a tear and did a little dance for joy as His sorrow of being so far away from us was gone.
Christmas is tragically beautiful, and this year I found myself missing the events that emphasize that thought.
I love you India. You are full of joy, color, celebration, worship, and loud noises. In Africa the speakers were cranked up to 11, here they are cranked up to 21 and then add some firecrackers. You see the beauty, you see the celebration. It was truly a gift to celebrate this Christmas in India with our ministry family.
It was truly a gift for me to see what Christmas was to me. What I missed the most, and what I want to continue to hold dear and cherish for the Christmases (and all of the days in between) to come.
Merry Christmas from us to you!
Here is one of my new favorite Christmas songs. I got hooked on it last year and it got me through the Christmas season this year.
I had a friend show me this awesome youtube video with the song Hallelujah Christmas. It contained the most realistic nativity scene I had ever seen and then it ended with scenes from Passion of the Christ. It has since been removed because of all of the copyright issues . . . but I found where they had gotten the clips of Jesus birth. This seriously brings me to tears . . . no fluffy-Christmas-pageant-scenes here. No nice, beautiful, angelic halos. It seriously brings me to tears every time I watch it. Maybe you have seen it, it was a part of The Bible mini series that was on TV.
And then of course . . . Hallelujah Christmas.
(Sorry, not sorry, for all of the videos. They have been what really touched me this Christmas)
