I failed and I hope she hears my heart.
You see, this story should’ve been posted three weeks ago when I was living in Mutare, Zimbabwe. It’s been on my mind since that day and I feel like this is the only way that I can somewhat “redeem” myself.
A few weeks ago my team collaborated and participated in a day filled with activities with an organization called Hope for life.
Hope for life is an organization that supports children with HIV.
I had the opportunity to meet and speak to some of the GREATEST people on the face of this earth.
I met a girl named Anna (this is not her real name) as I walked through the door of the church. She had a glow about her…a glow that lit up the room and her smile made my month! She also has HIV.
I had a chance to talk to Anna about her family, her dreams, and her hobbies like singing and dancing. She even showed me a few “moves.”
As the conversation progressed, she asked me something that surprised me and caught me off guard. If you know anything about me, you probably know that I enjoy talking and there is little that catches me off guard.
But here I was with a 15 year-old girl and she dropped the B-word!
You guessed it…BOYS!
My heart dropped.
I froze.
I was speechless.
I am asked questions 24-7. Questions about what America is like. Questions about the countries I’m visiting. Questions about how I am able to live out of a bookbag for a year. I’m ready for ANYTHING except questions about BOYS!
This was her question as best I can remember:
I have this friend who is really pretty and really skinny. All the boys at my school talk to her. I think I’m pretty too but guys don’t talk to me. Why don’t I get attention from boys?
I couldn’t think fast enough. Do I quote a Bible verse? Do I share the workings of the ‘guy mind?’ Do I direct her to a female teammate that may have good advice? Maybe I should act like I didn’t hear the question.
I am a coward.
My heart breaks for little girls.
And there I was with the opportunity to pour into her, able to offer her hope in the midst of her struggles, and I didn’t do it. My heart was racing so fast that I can’t remember what I said.
I returned to my residence that night but thought about her all night.
I cried because my insecurities kept me from speaking life. What if that were my daughter? Would I havesaid the same thing?
I am so sorry Anna.
So I want to answer her question today and pray that somehow that AMAZING girl reads this.
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Dear Pretty Girl with a Pretty Friend,
Let me apologize. I should’ve been brave but I let my insecurities get the best of me. I can’t remember, exactly, what I said to you but this is what I should’ve said. I’m so sorry that you feel this way. I know it’s so uncomfortable. And every time it happens, you get a little reminder from the Devil that you aren’t enough. Your mind says “what have I done wrong and what has she done right?” And the truth is…nothing.
Pretty Girl, here’s what you need to know – while you are wishing a boy would notice you for your looks, your friend is wishing a boy would notice her for the way she lights up a room, her beautiful singing voice, her awesome dance moves, and the fact that speaks a number of languages. While you are hoping that just one boy will talk to you, she is hoping that just one boy will look at her eyes instead of her body. While you are busy looking at her groupies, you may be missing that one sweet guy who is carefully observing you.
She hasn’t done anything wrong or right. Neither have you. You are, both, struggling in your own quiet ways, and hearing lies that will create barriers between you, her, God, and hope. Don’t believe the lies. Celebrate the beauty in her. Celebrate the beauty in you.
In the end, you will each be with one. One man will pick you – that’s all it takes. One man will pick her. The numbers will be even and when they are, you will want your heart to be in a good place.
But remember you already have access to a love that is unconditional, unfailing, and is ALWAYS pursuing you. This love surpasses any love that you will ever receive from any man (or human being). It's far beyond anything you can imagine. He knows your heart because He created it and knows how to love it best.
You can receive that love today. It's yours to take.
I love you!
Jamal
p.s. Remember this…You are beautiful!
Dear friends and family, if you have more answers for this awesome girl, feel free to comment. And pray along with me for Pretty Girl, Pretty Friend, and every other girl out there who feels (or has felt) this way.
I encourage you to share this blog with AT LEAST one person you know.
