So where do you begin when all you
know is nothing? The world Race operates in a system in which the racers go
through, abandonment, brokenness, dependency, empowerment, calling and finally
confirmation. I have recently very
recently gone through Brokenness, I hit the wall and finally stop tried
fighting it.
I have hit a point in my life where
God has shown me that He is going to take me to the desert. By this I mean not
only will I be fasting from the usual things such as food and drink, but I will
be also fasting from anything the Lord shows me that is blocking me from being
with Him more intimately. The first thing God has shown was that its time to
fast this entire month form technology. For this month I will not be using
anything with a screen, most of which will be my iPod and computer. Every time I get confused or frustrated or a
question arises I don’t have an answer to I go to my ipod and just blast music
and try to forget whatever It is that’s happening. I have not been going to God with it and He
and I have had enough of that. I’m to a point in my life that I’m depending on
him so much so that I’m going to places where He has to show up, I’m going to
have more questions in my life this coming month than ever before. My hope and
prayer is that I question everything, my faith, my walk, how to walk, who God
is, everything. As I be solely dependent on him he is going to re take me
through abandonment just to prove that I have nothing but to completely lean on
him.
God has given me these past few
days four questions, these questions are what led me to this brokenness. There are
1.)
What is true intimacy?
2.)
How do you lean on God, what does that look
like?
3.)
How do I say the things God says, do the things
God does, and pray the things God prays if I don’t hear him?
4.)
Why do I not understand my influence in the
power of Christ, and why am I running from it?
God is taken me to the desert with
these thoughts in mind, I’m hearing from God I’m going to be leaning on me and
when I Got broken it was the most intimate time in my life. A lot of these
questions have been answered without words. God just did what He does best made
me question and ramble and cry and not understand anything, then just comfort
me. GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before I
leave you all I have one last measure of business to take care of. I am 3,174
dollars away from being fully funded. I told the Lord “God I cant go to the
desert with you I need to raise support and how will I be raising support if I’m
not talking to my friends family and supporters? How can I raise money if I’m not
sharing with them whats going on?” He showed me that I follow because I believe in Him, and that I
will be fully funded when I come out of this desert month because my family and
friends and others believe in me, and what God is doing in my life. If that is you, if you believe in me, and
believe in what I’m about to take part in, then I need your help.
I Love
you all please pray for me and trust in me as I trust in Him who created us
All.
