Last month, I must admit I was a hot mess. Last month I was drained and felt like I was on “E.” I had the thought of wanting to go home because I was exhausted in every way possible. I thought I wasn’t going to make it, but I persevered and God helped me through it. All I can say is I didn’t realize the enemy took a toll on me and I let him step all over me without even knowing it.
After a very challenging month in Serbia, God finally refreshed me, rejuvenated me, and strengthened me. It took the last few days before heading to Romania that I finally realized I bought into all of the enemy’s lies last month. I have been focusing on all the negativity around me and I let my emotions drain me out instead of focusing my eyes on the Lord.
So now I’m here in Pitesti, Romania and you’re wondering how I’m feeling…
I can say I’m definitely in a much better place this month. I’m in tuned with God, my heart is in the right place, I’m feeling the depths of His love, I’m seeing Him move, and He heightened my discernment.
Now this is the new struggle…
Because I feel closer to Him, I can also discern the enemy working overtime and trying every tactic to manipulate, distract, and discourage me this month. He is whispering lies left and right, every single day.
“You’re not good enough to lead a team… how are you leading men, you’re just a little girl… you don’t have a voice… your teammates don’t care about you… they don’t respect you… you’re not close to anybody… they don’t trust you… they don’t care to spend time with you…” so on and so forth.
It has been one lie after another since I got here. The enemy has been trying so hard to discourage me because our team is more united and we’re getting closer to God. However, I have learned to fight back and rebuke all of these lies. I am learning to put on the full armor of God to defeat his deceitfulness and schemes (Ephesians 6:10-18). I thank God that He is continuing to increase my discernment and I am more spiritually aware this month.
I am learning that when you get frustrated is when you actually lose, when you start believing and buying into the enemy’s lies is when you’re giving him what he wants. Every day, I fight back with what the Word says and rebuke all of these lies because they are not my own thoughts, but the enemy’s. I don’t have to believe them and I don’t have to accept them because they’re not true.
I am a daughter of The King. I am His heir. I am an extraordinary leader. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have a high calling. I was born to lead many nations to Jesus. I am what God says I am.
I am not going to fall for the devil’s traps this time.
