"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matter compared to what lies within us"
– Emerson.
Emerson got it right. He was spot on. I've known this quote for years but only today, in a drive home in the rain did something click. What was that something? The Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit which lives within us as believers in Christ is bigger that what I leave and what is ahead.
Yesterday was June 1st, meaning I have six months left until I leave on this journey God has called me too. There are some days my mind cannot comprehend the excitement of what lies before me and fellow racers. Then there are days where I am sad, scared, and can not comprehend leaving parts of my past behind. People, relationships, work, school, labels will all soon be things that are left behind. Lately I feel lost in this gap of what is behind me, and what lies ahead of me. To be completely honest this "gap" leaves me frustrated, discouraged, and in tears on some days. My heart and mind want to make these last few months at home great by spending all the time I can with the people I love. But then I also want to detach myself slowly from these things so I miss them less. Its hard to hear someone say "next year we will do it like this, or next year lets make shirts for that, or next year lets plan this.." To think I won't be here "next year" makes me want to just break away now. Yet other parts of me try to cherish every second I can with people, and everyday places in hopes that I won't be forgotten or misplaced. For every friend request I receive from a future fellow racer, feels like one less friend here at home. But like I said Emerson was on to something. Things that are left behind, things that lie ahead are just tiny things compared to what lies within us. And when what lies within us is Christ, everything else is eclipsed. God does not want me to live these next six months as if I'm in some gap, separating old from new, living my life on hold. Instead God will use both. He as at work in me every second. I do not need to wait until I leave to feel as if God is using me, and I do not need to think that all of the work he has already done in my life is over. Point is, whatever these next six months may bring I know that Christ is at work within me and my prayer is that His will be done in all circumstances.
Just a thought that brought me some much needed peace today. 🙂
