My God’s not dead He’s living on the inside wanting me to laugh now…
This last week I was at the training camp for the World Race. There are so many things that happened over the course of this week. For now I would love to share what God revealed to me this week.
On the second night of camp the teaching was on the Holy Spirit and its active role in our lives. It was a powerful and an intense time of worship for most everyone in the room. People were being healed others were repenting and even more people being set free. And then there was me…
I was laughing!
- In the midst of people crying
- In the midst of people worshiping
- In the midst of people being healed and released from bondage…
- God had me laughing!
And if you are reading this blog you have probably heard my laugh and its .. uniqueness that has made me so self conscious. So for me to be laughing in the middle of a worship service you know it had to be out of the power of the Holy Spirit.
Now before this point in the week most of the teaching had been on healing our souls. Emptying our emotional baggage is such an important thing to do before the race, and an important thing to continue on the race. Otherwise instead of spreading the hope of Jesus to people around the world we will try and fill our own voids in the work that we do and with the people we serve. I knew that this whole process would be very strange to me. Through this process I discovered how bitter I was that I had grown up believing that emotions are okay to have as long as I did not act on them.
“You can be sad but do not cry.”
“You can be excited but stay calm”
“You can be angry but get over it soon”
My emotional range limited me to a tiny block of who I was and wanted to be.
Because I never cried everyone associates me with being happy. Because I did not show or talk about how I felt upset people thought I was okay with everything and I never learned to stick up for myself. And because I never showed excitement in large group settings I would not be included to participate in group games and sports. At my own request people embraced my shyness and accepted it. Friends have even become my voice for me and speak for me.
Now in learning to get this all out of me I focused the whole first day on the sadness that I have never expressed. God reassured me that all of the tears I never cried because I held them in still mattered to Him and he was there for each and everyone and He still loves me.
On the night when people were praying for God to speak to them and to heal them and set them free, I just figured that God had more sadness for me to unleash. But boy was I wrong. God had me laughing out- loud in the middle of the room. He had me thinking about the joy I find in being outside, he had me thinking about the squad dance competition we had had that day (the one when I first heard about it made me want to hide but when the music started I found myself not only participating but being goofy and having fun.) The Lord had me thinking about swinging and playing on a playground. I could not believe this was happening.. but as I began to question.. God confirmed and continued to show himself to me. One of our trainers for the week named Erin came up put her hand on my shoulder and told me that God was telling her to tell me that my laugh would minister to people and to just let it out.
WOAH!!
The Holy Spirit was more powerful to me in that moment than ever before. And it was through a play date with God.
I went into training camp bitter for all of the times I was never able to express my sadness, I left camp released from the sadness, and full of joy that I serve a God who would take me on a play date.
More than ever I am convinced that the Lord has had my World Race journey planned out. Training camp has been just the start of the work He will do in my life over the next year. More than ever I am consumed by the desire to spread the living hope of Christ to people all over the world so that they too can have a play date with God.
*Special thank you to all who have financially supported my World Race journey. My next financial deadline is Wednesday December 18th. This means that:
All checks must be in by Wednesday December 4th.
Online donations must be made by December 12th.
I need another $3,200 to make this deadline.
Not everyone can go but all of you can pray and most can give something. Thank you so much for all of the support.
