It's now about 2 weeks time before leaving to come home. There are so many emotions, thoughts, and fears running thru all of our minds. I don’t feel like I can articulate just how I feel about reentry back into the States. Trying to imagine how I will feel at home and what my life is going to look like is hard. Knowing that no one will understand my feelings or thought processes other than fellow World Racers is a hard pill to swallow.
I've lived in close community with amazing people for so long now. Who's going to ask me how I slept first thing in the morning or how my heart is? What will I do when no one is staring at me because I'm white or yelling at me because I look so different than everyone else and I stand out like a sore thumb? How will I sleep in complete silence when I've grown so accustomed to strange noises and sounds ALL thru the night and into the morning (such as loud music, dog's barking incessantly, chanting, screaming, drums, Muslim prayer's over loud speakers, rooster's crowing, children screaming and crying, and the list go's on)? Will I remember how to drive (on the right side of the car and road)LOL? How will I react to a simple trip to Walt-mart to pick out cereal with a million choices and all the while thinking of people starving all over the world? What will it be like to have a hot shower any time I want that actually comes out of a shower head and not a bucket? So many questions…
I've learned so much and seen so much over the past year. The tricky part is figuring out how to incorporate these things into my new life, living in American culture. I've found myself resenting America at times for all of our “abundance” and “waste” and resenting myself for being so ignorant to the needs of the rest of the world while I live the “American Dream”. But over time the Lord has been showing me that more than anything I should be living a life of extreme gratitude for the many blessings He has afforded me as an American. And also that I have a responsibility as a blessed person to be a good steward of my money, time, and more than anything my testimony of His faithfulness to me. I have a responsibility to share the love of God with people in my home, work, community AND people around the world. Every day is a day for ministry, not just Sunday's and not just at church.
You might be wondering what the next step of my journey will look like and pretty much, so am I. I have no idea what my life will look like when I'm home. God had been faithful to remind me that I don't need to know…He will show me when He is ready for me to know. With all the craziness that is going on in my head, He is the only thing that seems to make sense. His spirit inside of me gives me the strength and peace to be okay when everything seems to be so unsure.
I do know that I am ready to see my family and friends! I am ready to be settled into one place, not living out of a bag. I'm ready to eat good American food. I am ready to have more than 5 outfits to choose from and 2 pairs of shoes. I'm ready to drive my car. I'm ready to have my independence and some privacy again. I'm excited to be back under my dad's ministry. I'm ready to rest some! Most of all I'm ready to use everything I've learned on the race to shape my new life, whatever that looks like. To give God space to be creative with what He wants from me. To not limit a limitless God. To continue to do Kingdom work all over the world. To let God continue the good work He has started in me!
I know that this is just the beginning for me and for what God has for me. I feel like I can honestly do anything after doing the race! It's been a whirlwind year, but one that has been very instrumental in shaping my destiny and the calling on my life! Thanks to all the amazing people in my life that have been obedient in helping me make this happen. I am so excited for what is to come!
