Pre-departure thoughts: In Harper Lee’s classic novel “To Kill A Mockingbird” there is no shortage of symbolism for her theme that innocence is destroyed by evil. I believe in many ways my trip will carry a similar theme, providing me and my group with many opportunities to experience a new level of corruption and injustice in a world that can at times seem evil. However like her character Atticus, I hope and expect to walk away from this mission trip maintaining my faith in humankind’s capacity for goodness. For even darkness has the presence of light (Genesis 1:16); and likewise, in the midst of pain and suffering, there too will be joy and hope. I anticipate that out of all the darkness that we will undoubtedly see throughout this next year, those small moments of selfless, unconditional love will be what my heart remembers.
My journey on the World Race has officially begun. My days as a Davidson College undergraduate student are over, and in its place, my title now reads alumnus.
Although my feet have not yet left American soil, my heart, mind, and soul have set forth on the big adventure already. It would be too simple to say (and in fact, not true) that I am prepared for the yearlong commitment I have made. In fact, with every burning question from my dedicated supporters, I am reminded just how unsuspecting I really am. If these first months have taught me anything, it is that I have only begun my year of life-altering learning and man am I ready for the ride of a lifetime!
That being said, I’ve been patiently waiting for inspiration to strike in order to wow my new blog readers with my insightful reflections. That day hasn’t seemed to come yet, but maybe it is better that way. I’ve always struggled with the idea of writing because unlike talking, written words can be rewritten. Changes and revisions are expected, and in my eyes, that demands and even greater level of perfection. However, this next year is not about perfection. It is instead about bare-boned honesty. The program requests that its racers open themselves up to their own brokenness, in order to live and share in that vulnerability with everyone they meet.
To me, this year is also about trusting and relying on God in a way I have previously been too afraid to do. I won’t lie; it scares me to think of putting my life completely in God’s hands. I’ve always tried to be the one controlling my life and I don’t quite know what it means, or what it looks like, to have someone else permanently take the wheel. In all truthfulness, I still have big questions. Who exactly is God? How does He work in our lives? In what ways is He calling me to serve Him in this life? How do I know I am following the right path? How can He be controlling things when some things in this world feel senseless?
I certainly don’t have all the answers to my questions yet, and while I hope this year can help me answer some of them, I also know it will bring with it a whole new line of questions; questions concerning the meaning of justice, equality, fairness, and grace.
I do no presume this year to be easy. In fact, I think in many ways it will show me some of life’s harshest realities. But what I do hope is that this year will change me. For a long time, I have hoped to bring God to the center of my life again. This year is about pursuing that commitment.
I want to leave you reflecting on words from Harper Lee. I know they certainly struck a cord with me, and I will absolutely keep them in my heart as I encounter moments of moral uncertainty. In the wise words of Atticus, the moral voice in the novel To Kill A Mockingbird, “…before I can live with other folks I’ve got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience” (105).
