It's like this. . .
I have no idea what to put in my blogs. Or any blog for that matter.
It's like my mind becomes stark white when I decide to sit down and type out things to share.
My brain's a mess, but in an oh so good way *-*
Well after sitting a while in the whiteness of what my brain can be, I found something I would like to share with you guys. Yay!
As most of you know I've been collecting beads through out the race. One bead from each country to be exact. (read my last blog if you're still confused!) And so I'm going to tell you Swaziland's bead story. Here it goes. Welcome to my mess *-*
It was the last day of ministry in Swaziland and I had yet to find a bead. I was nervous. I was panicky.
I started asking myself, "Am I going to be ok if the Lord doesn't give me a bead for this month?". The doubt had crept in. I began scouring the children's playground to see if I could find anything remotely close to looking like a bead.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
So. I decided to stop focusing on it. I was going to play with the kids until I had to say my final goodbyes.
So that's what I did. I ignored the absence of a bead and played and played and played. When the time to leave finally came and after I had said my final goodbyes to my friends and was walking away. . . it hit me. In less then three months I'll be going home to a queen size bed and a mom that will willingly cook me any meal.
Whoa.
I get to leave this country. A country that constantly lives in poverty and I get to go back to my super plush life.
Wait, what?
Immediately I took this to the Lord and this is what I realized.
Though these children that seem to have nothing, they actually have everything.
Again, what?
Think about it. The culture that I'm so used to is such a blessing that sometimes that blessing get's twisted into a distraction. These children and these families that I got to meet have no distractions. In the one instance that they fall in love with the Lord they become fully dependent on Him in every possible way. Sure they have strife just like the rest, but they also have joy, peace, and kindness as well. Their lives aren't filed with distractions as easily. The Lord has them right where He called them to be. And to me. . .that's mind glowingly beautiful.
Now don't misread me. I stated that having things can turn into distractions. They aren't always. Being blessed by the Lord is a good thing. It's what you do with the blessing that makes it what it is.
As I'm walking home from ministry with these thoughts running around in my head I realize that I still don't have a bead . . .and I'm leaving tomorrow from Swaziland.
*sigh*
"Lord, what in the world man? I thought that you were going to give me a bead from every country. I thought you were going to teach me something through finding them around the world. Is Swaziland not enough for a bead?"
Jacquelyn, I already gave you a bead. Don't you remember?
A picture of a clear-ish-pink heart shaped bead flashed in my mind.
"Well of course I remember, but it was broken. There is absolutely no way that I can string it onto anything."
Well then why did you keep it? I gave you that bead for a reason. Are you telling Me that's it's not enough? Jacquelyn. Is that broken, clear-ish-pink heart shaped bead not enough for you?
Immediately I realized something far greater then my beads.
The Lord brought me to Swaziland not to fix what was broken and not solve any poverty, and He certainly didn't ask me to pity the children and their families. He called me there because He wanted to show me that what is seemingly broken is actually beautiful in the way that it is.
Yes, we need to help the least of these. And yes, we should give to those who ask, but we should never place ourselves above whole other cultures. No one's better then the other and no one's more broken then the other.
In my opinion (and the Bibles opinion) when someone is decreased then that is the Lord's greatest opportunity to increase. He can't show His greatness if you already have the mindset of fixing things yourself. (John 3:30)
The Lord gave me a broken bead to ask me a simple question.
Is this enough for you? Can I give you something broken and you be all right with that?
*another sigh*
"Of course you can give me a broken bead. I'll love it all the same because it's from You."
Since I've been on this race I've realized specifically how the Lord speaks to me. It's different and most of the time very "silly", but it always gets my attention the quickest. These beads from around the world won't speak as much to someone else because they may just see a bead.
It's not just a bead.
It's a story.
It's a lesson.
It's Jesus's way of leading me, and I love it. So yeah, this story is strange, but take heart in knowing that He wants to talk to you to in "silly" ways. He wants to stretch your eyes wider then you think possible. He wants you to see the flowers grow sideways or the wind run upside down. It's a fantastical world that He's created with more stories and values one could ever contain. So start sponging it up. He's ready.
Oh. And also.
The Lord gave me another bead two days later. A complete and whole, blue bead. He had one of my old team mates find it when she was out jogging close to her ministry site.
This spoke to me in so many volumes. I have my own community. I have my own community that loves me and I have my own community that, above all, listens to the Lord.
