“Jesus, my prayer is that you would increase in my life and I would decrease. That in the midst of searching for worldly things, I would realize that you are enough for me so I don’t need to strive for the next big thing or accomplishment. Lord, my relationship with you begins at the end of myself. So I want LESS of me and MORE of you. Fill me with You. Today over everything I choose you, because you first chose me. Amen.”
This was an excerpt from my journal the morning of September 25th 2018. Little did I know that those words would carry so much weight later in that day.
I want to provide a little context on why this was so meaningful for me before I tell a story. I grew up in the suburbs of Washington, DC with no struggles to have my basic needs met. With just those facts, I am in the 1% of the world. I have been blessed. But somehow I have always searched for something more, leading me to lose sight of what I have already been blessed with. Whether it be clothes, food, money, or friends, I have never been satisfied with what I have. I think the funniest part is that the MORE I have of something the LESS happy I am. Once I reach a pinnacle of one need, I move to another need. I begin to be entitled to certain things just because I am American and I have more than others. This has caused me to lose sight on whats actually valuable in life.
God truly humbled me on this issue on the day of September 25th. The day I met Antonio, Allen, Pablo, Betty and Jesse.
Okay so it’ll take a really long time to explain how I met these people and how I got there, but if you want all the finer point details call me. But pretty much after a day of ministry I accidentally led my team up a mountain to the middle of nowhere to a very small remote town, fittingly called “Nono.”
Without any direction of what to do while we waited for the next bus, we just walked around. We started walking for a while till we saw this family in a small, rundown house. They came outside and started talking to one of my teammates (who is a superstar at Spanish). It was all in Spanish, so I didn’t understand much, but one thing led to another and they were gracious enough to invite ALL 11 of us into their home. While inviting us into their home was more than enough, they made coffee and fed us croissants while all of them smiled and greeted us. They even showed us their artwork and gave one of my teammates one of Jesse’s artworks. While time was winding down till the next bus, we got worried that we needed to leave, but they assured us that they sent their son to make sure the bus wouldn’t leave without us.
These people were some of the nicest, sweetest people I’ve ever met. We got the opportunity to pray over them and while we were praying, God convicted me. He placed a humbling question in my head: What if the roles were reversed? What if 11 foreigners showed up to your house? Would you serve them as these people have served you? And the sad but truthful answer is no. I probably wouldn’t invite 11 foreigners into my house and GIVE them food and coffee. But this family who has so LITTLE, generously gave so MUCH to undeserving people.
I love how that morning, during our devotional, my squad mentor Kate shared from Mathew 19 which says “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven.” She explained that the camel isn’t literally going through an eye of a needle, but that the “Eye of a Needle” is a narrow gate in Jerusalem. So for a camel to enter through the gate they had to take off all of their baggage. In the same way, I need to take off my entitlement and desire for “more” in order to enter the gate that leads to fruitfulness and endless joy.
Once I realize that Jesus is all I need, there is no need to search for more. And once I have “less” I am able to be like Antonio’s family and endlessly love on others who don’t look like me, don’t speak the same language as me and don’t act like me.
So my prayer that morning is my new song to sing. That I want less of me, so I can give MORE of Jesus.
