It is so easy to succumb to the world and believe that we can control it. I mean it’s our lives, and we’re the ones living it right? This has been my thought process for most of my life. All throughout high school I lived a life for myself and myself only. I thought that I could do everything on my own and it seemed to be working out for me. I lived in a comfortable home, wore comfortable clothes, and enjoyed the comfort of my friends.
Most people hated high school. Honestly, I loved it. But I loved it for the wrong reasons.
I loved high school for the number of friends I had. Self-worth and the meaning for me to live came from the approval of those surrounding me.
I loved high school for the sports I played. For the first part of high school, my identity came from being a lacrosse player.
I loved high school because I was in control. No one could tell me what to do. I grew up with my head higher than anyone else’s. Often, I thought of myself as better than everyone else.
I loved high school because I lived for myself.
Fast forward a little bit, and now I’m in college. And wow, let me tell you, my first couple of weeks were very hard for me. Nothing seemed to be going my way. I didn’t join a fraternity; I didn’t make club lacrosse; and I wasn’t making many friends. Everything that came so easy to me back at home, was hard for me at college.
The biggest thing that created a sense of loneliness and emptiness was when I compared myself to other people. I envied all my friends from high school and how much fun they were having. I so badly wanted to have THAT college experience.
But thankfully, I am here to announce that I don’t live the life of self-absorption and control. It’s crazy to think that God teaches us through different life experiences. The struggles I went through the first couple of weeks were a blessing in disguise. If I made the lacrosse team, I probably wouldn’t know Jesus like I know him now. I wouldn’t have made the friends that I have now through different college ministries. I would still be living in the dark without any sort of light to guide me out into the arms of Jesus. There wasn’t a specific moment that dramatically changed my life for the better. It was small events and a small amount of people that poured into my life and overfilled me with the Love of Jesus. Let me use two people and two events to share how I came Christ.
The first person is Nick Canty. Nick is a senior at the University of South Carolina and a student leader in Shandon College. I met him at a barbeque that Shandon was having on campus. He introduced himself, we talked for a little, and then we exchanged numbers. From that day, he texted me every week inviting me to come out to different events the college ministry was having. After some time, I decided to go to a Thursday night worship. This is the first event. Nick picked me up and drove me to the worship place. I didn’t know what to expect. But it was powerful. I apologize for not remembering the sermon; however, I vividly remember the worship. Seeing 100+ college students packed in one room worshiping God was overwhelming. That worship night, is the reason why I love praising God through songs today. It’s a time where I truly feel His presence.
The next event was the Shandon College retreat in North Carolina. I remember the leaders announcing this retreat at that Thursday night worship, but I had no desire to go. A couple of days before the retreat, Nick texts me and tells me to come. I didn’t really think about it for too long, I just decided to go. God was so good to me on that trip. He taught me that I can’t live life on my own. For so long, I’ve been living on my own, making decisions for myself. That weekend showed me that I NEED Jesus’ love in my life as an example of how I should love others. I NEED God’s grace to humble myself in that I’m not the one who achieves salvation. I NEED a relationship with God that is built off communication by reading the bible and praying. That weekend, I remember praying the prayer for God to take over my life.
Now that I started following Jesus, I came upon an obstacle that hindered pursuing a lasting relationship – living halfway. What I mean by this is that I was living a double life. I was committed to the cross, but I wasn’t fully committed by giving up certain habits. Essentially, I was living halfway. It wasn’t until I met Scotty where I learned where my identity stands. On my way home from Rally (big worship where college students all over South Carolina gather), I was convicted to share a part of my life with the guy who invited me to the event. His name is Scotty. I explained in detail the struggle I had about living a double life. He responded with this: “Your identity doesn’t come from the worldly things that you think you might identify by. Your identity comes from Jesus Christ alone.” The response was so simple, yet so true. The things that were holding me back from fully committing to Jesus were things that I identified with back at home. I realized how small and silly those identifications were compared to the identity of Jesus. For this is the reason why I have given up those secular identifications, and now identify in Jesus Christ alone.
An encouragement I have comes from the sermon I listened to on Sunday. The message was that as Christians, we need to be a light in the darkness – not pointing out the wrong doings in the world, but by loving those just how Jesus loves us. To do this, we need to recognize first the humility we need. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” This was a reminder that there is nothing that I can do in this secular world to bring me to salvation. Good works alone cannot save me. Instead, find I must find a purpose behind those good works. The purpose I have found in my life to do good works is Jesus Christ.
Lastly, I wanted to share a real-life example of not living for myself and living for God. When I sat down to write this blog, I had no idea what to write about. I was afraid it wasn’t going to be as meaningful or as powerful as Jacob’s blogs. But that was all my thinking. So, I stopped what I was doing and had a conversation with God. I told Him that I wanted Him to put words on this paper and not me. I wanted this blog post to be what HE wanted to say through me. This is just a small example of what Christ has been doing in my life.
My prayer is that I will not lean on my own abilities to get through life. I pray that Jesus would continue to work in my heart, fulfilling me with the love of Christ.
S/O Jacob for making this happen. I love you all.
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Ethan 🙂
