Tears welled up as I prayed with Travis today. I fought them back. I had already cried in the same car, with the same person, once this week.
This goodbye was different.
It carried not with it the weight that it did long ago when I left for two years.
It was still a somber reminder that my best friends are scattered across this earth serving and waiting until the day we are all reunited once again. A somber reminder that in some ways we are destined to meet like fireflies. Lighting up each others lives for a few scant precious moments only to move away and back to our old paths.
Sometimes I feel like I am always saying goodbye.
I often think of that passage in 3rd John. That one little verse that maybe four people on planet earth have read. I mean let’s be honest, we really only remember 1st John.
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” – 3rd John 4
The other day someone asked a question in love that was secretly levied at tearing apart my upcoming missionary work.
“Can you really make a difference if you’re only in a country for one month?”
It’s a fair question. It’s a reasonable one too.
I answered her with a similar question, “Has anyone ever given you 20$ and blessed you?”
“Yes.”
“Did they stay for a month?”
“No.”
“Well, there you go!”
The fact is… we cannot see if a single moment will bless us for mere minutes or the rest of our life. What we can do though is go. Serve. Give. And live for Jesus now.
It brings to mind a really significant issue in this generation.
We measure fruit, we box in God, we look and say “If you invest here, then it will be failure! If you invest here it will be success!”
We tear down temporary missions and work in light of long-term success.
We think because we say goodbye to someone we may never see them again.
That can be a hard thought to overcome. It is painful to invest in things always moving, changing, and shifting. It is painful to let go again and again. It is hard to invest when you assume that it is a temporary investment!
Truthfully I line my shoes with goodbyes. The road is the closest home I know and the most consistent place in my life.
Yet I was so encouraged though today thinking about my humble beginnings with Travis.
When I first met Travis he was a young eighteen year old kid. Fresh out of high school and wondering what to do with his life. I too was in quite the crossroads myself. In between lives in North Carolina and Washington, I didn’t know where I was headed but I knew I wanted to get back to camp.
In the sweltering summer of 2008, Travis came to camp and by the grace of God I was his counselor.
We connected immediately. Travis and I sang praise songs, shared scripture, talked about John the Baptist and how he said “He must increase and I must decrease.”
Then came thursday where Robby Phillips preached on the book of Job. On surrounding our pain and hurt and crying out to Jesus. That moment was such a critical moment in my faith.
It was my day off but I loved the speaker so much and my campers so much that I came back to listen to bible hour.
If you have ever worked a Word of Life camp you know that it must be an incredible speaker to motivate a tired worn-out counselor to not sleep in on a day-off.
I am so glad I went.
During that message Travis was broken. I was broken.
We both rededicated our lives to Jesus together.
It’s been five years since then. Travis ended up going to bible college where I spent a ton of time with him. We wound up on a traveling southern gospel ensemble for a year. Through tears, meals, sweaty hugs, dangerous moving of shabby theater equipment, camp, and many other memories we have grown and grown. I am so freaking proud of Travis. He has grown from that squeaky gangly boy into a strong willed man of God. He is doing great things, stepping out on faith and being a light in the city of Fort Worth. It fills me with joy to know that Travis is walking with the Lord and walking in truth.
I remember two years ago watching Travis preach and sharing a little bit of who I was with a youth group. I started to cry.
That might be a theme in my life.
I was overwhelmed by the grace and power of God to foster a friendship over years with someone who I thought I would only see for but a handful of hours. And then I leaned too hard on the pulpit and it broke.
I was standing there with a piece of pulpit in my hands and tears on my face. I always find my most awkward moments are studded with intimacy and hilariousness.
It makes me think today though…
I thought I would only know Travis for a moment.
An instant.
A week.
A handful of hours.
Yet we have literally spent years together working and living out the gospel. Life is funny that way. God is so graceful. I could just have easily have believed I would never see Travis again. Yet I have spent more time with him than almost anyone in my life. I have traveled to four countries with Travis and many states.
My mind is blown by how God orchestrates lives.
This next year I will be in places for but mere moments. I will walk into villages and share the light of Jesus. I will meet good christian men and woman. I will see people come to know the Lord in remote mountains.
Some people I may never see until we meet once again in heaven. Others I may encounter constantly throughout the rest of my life.
One of the worst things I can do though is expect small things. Expect temporary change and little fruit. Walk into this next year thinking that I am merely delaying evils and fighting against an unbreakable wave.
The fact is that my God is stronger. Greater. Bigger. More awesome than anything we can imagine or believe.
Goodbye is something I can’t even put faith in anymore!
I grin and think of all the times that people have reentered my life. That last night I slept on the couch of good friends from college I went to Argentina with. That last month I saw friends all across the U.S.
I saw friends who I met in Taiwan. I saw friends that live in Canada. I have time and time again been reunited with this mystical and wonderful body of Christ.
Soon many of us are going to have to say goodbye. To our family… to our friends… to our loved ones… To girlfriends and boyfriends… to best friends and the occasional enemy. It's hard. It's tough. Yet I have hope!
I say this because as an old friend and I part ways, the paths seem like they are headed towards different places. Yet we never know. It always seems like him and I are parting ways! Perhaps we will be laughing in Rwanda together a year from now. Saving girls in Malaysia from sex traffickers. Feeding the homeless and helping the orphan. Or we may not see each other until the heavens open wide and we are home in the arms of Christ.
One thing I do know though is that we cannot even imagine the hilarious, epic, glorious, and wonderful things God has planned for those who love Him.
In the end I am hopeful. I am hopeful that perhaps the man I see starving on the street today begging for change will be my future co-worker in Christ. I am hopeful that the addict, the promiscuous, and the fool will become the faithful, the pure, and the wise. All I can say is don’t judge your fruit before the tree has time to grow. Brothers and sisters keep investing! Keep hopeful! Watch and pray and do!
Pray for that person who hurt you that you still feel sore thinking about. Pray for that relative that you are desperate to see know Jesus! Pray for that job you know will allow you to serve God so well! Pray for that broken man who seems unfixable! Pray for that stupid stubborn sin you can’t seem to part with! God is so capable and so beyond our own thoughts. Maybe it’ll be the prayer that finally moves that mountain.
I am encouraged to keep planting, sowing, and hoping. Maybe the next goodbye won’t be goodbye after all.
Until We Meet Again – Showbread
Travis and I stood together on the peaks of mountains in Panama. Seems crazy that he was just my camper years before.
We road tripped years later to DC and New York City. This is the subway.
Occasionally Travis tries to kill me. He hasn’t succeeded yet.
