53 Million Dead

I just got back from a 10,000 person March for Life in Dallas, Texas. These are my thoughts.

53 Million dead.

Thousands lined the streets united against the charnel scene.

Life.

53 Million have died since our courts legalized the silent holocaust of our generation. I never was an adamant fighter against abortion. I hated that children paid the penalty for our sins. That we demanded blood for a million reasons, every reason but a good one.

Yet I never really understood the power of millions of lives gone. Millions of my generation. Friends… brothers… sisters… as the awful weight of Satan's dark agenda dawned on me I stood so saddened. I was angry. Mad. 10,000 people stood around me. We actually had to argue with our own culture that killing the unborn is wrong. Such a sad moment in the history of humanity. I was broken. Wanting to weep for the mothers who never saw sweet children. For the moms who felt fear and pressure from boyfriends and johns. For the fathers robbed of a child for lack of control and legal right. I didn't feel responsible for that until now. But these children can't fend for themselves. It's not your problem or my problem… it's OUR problem.

Timshel – Mumford and Sons

A band stood playing an old praise song. You know, one of those old classics we tend to zone out when we hear. Thinking maybe…

"This is like from 1997. I was still in elementary school. LET'S MOVE ON PEOPLE!"

Sometimes I get like that, ya know? Irreverent. Irreligious.

I'll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon that cross.

I know I've heard the 32,456 times before but when those words hit my ears I froze. Tears welled up.

You see the last year I've been studying the humanity of Jesus. The raw uninhibited humanity of Jesus. He sweated. He laughed. He probably told crazy jokes to be honest. Maybe he didn't like mustard.

I mean… God invented humor, sex, marijuana, cats, the Grand Canyon. God's a creative genius. He created babies. Then wrapped himself in his own creation. I'm enamored by his humanity.

The humanness of Jesus catches me off guard.

He knew heart-break.

A man acquainted with sorrows. I'm pretty sure that he was more than an acquaintance. More like Facebook friends. Or rather when I say Bieber you say "JUSTIN!"

As Bieber is acquainted with Justin, Christ is acquainted with sorrows.

Just let that sink in.

This last chapter in my life I was betrayed over and over by the best people in my life. I lost more than I knew I could and still move on. I came to be wounded deep and painfully.

Imagine all the hurt and betrayal and loss in your life. Let's get personal… Imagine the people you have robbed. Betrayed. Hurt. Then imagine absorbing all of that pain and hate and raw negative emotion in one instant.

We'd die. We'd curl up and break.

Yet this man-God. This king who has never done a thing wrong in existence… full in humanity, paid for my sin on that cross.

I began to weep. I began to remember the times I had done evil. I've lied. I've cheated. I've viewed pornography. I've gone too far physically before marriage. I've been mad and drawn blood. I've sworn at people. I've spat at people. I could be here for hours shocking and displaying my filthy rags. I've done things I've never told anyone before. I'm frankly quite tired of secrets.

Secrets – One Republic

While I was surrounded by 10,000 people I looked around. Mothers who lost children to the horror of abortion. Broken men who have had affairs. Betrayal. Hurt. Crime.

It struck me that God faced my sin in his humanity. In his time of being fully human he bore the weight of everything we've done.

Every murder. Every rape. Every lie. Every evil. Every injustice. Human trafficking. Drug abuse. Every lie and rejection of our society and culture as we cry out "Away from us God! AWAY!"

And the darkness of 53 million lives shattered in this generation.

He bore all of that. Watched from heaven as humanity committed untold wickedness. As billions turned from him. Billions of betrayals, losses, wounds. My mind raced and flashed from face to face.

The intimacy of that moment was raw. I stood with my mouth agape as thoughts swirled through my head. I couldn't even imagine the pain and frustration of God. The hurt and the sorrow. I can't even comprehend it. Thank Jesus, oh thank him, I will never have to know it.

This man-God… he must love me. He must adore me. That' moves me.

Next year as I stave off the evils of the world by living among the least and the down-trodden. As I move to eleven countries and try to live out my faith. Today as I fall asleep thinking. Tomorrow as I get up and meet people… I want to love them like Jesus loves me. Because it's a little more good in the world. A little more love for the one who bore so much pain for me. For all of us.

If I was there – Tourniquet

I'll write eventually about the humanity of Christ and what I've learned… it's been such a mind blowing experience.