As I walked through the mall today, my heart hurt. I felt alone, I was alone. I was in town to do my weekly squad leader Skype call with AIM and had been working on squad stuff most of the day. I have been alternating between reading C&C’s (which are weekly squad updates), reading my book, updating the financial spreadsheet, and grocery shopping for the team I am spending the month with.
Somewhere in my walk through the mall I became suddenly sad. I realized I was sitting in a strange mix of emotions. I have a new niece that was born just a few days ago, and I recently accepted a job offer back home that will start when I return. These things and just the fact that I am tired make me want to go home. However, as I continued to stroll through the mall, another thought occurred to me that brought me a feeling of sadness. That is the fact that I only have a few weeks left with the people that I have lived life with for 10 months straight. With these people I have shared in joy, pain, and discomfort. These people know everything about me and I pretty much know everything about them. They are more like family than teams or friends. The thought of these people being across the country or world and me not being able to see them breaks my heart.
To be honest, I feel like I am at a great in between. I am tired of travelling and moving constantly and am ready to go home and settle into a routine, however, I am not ready to leave my Race family.
Anyone that knows me knows that I do not do well with change, especially big change. This year has stretched me a lot in that area. This next big change that will bring me to my life back home is going to hurt. Luckily for me I know God is present in the in between places of life. I have to remember that it’s just another chapter closing in my life’s story and that God has something incredible in my next chapter back home. I am just not a big fan of turning the page right now.
