I am sitting here at a coffee shop staring out across the room just remembering how much I do not like change. I am a creature of habit. Some people thrive through continual changes in their lives. I am not one of those people. I like the same things in life. I enjoy simplicity. I like to play it safe and know what is going to happen. I like control. The journey I am about to embark on is the farthest thing from this.
While sipping my coffee, I am writing my departure letter for my school and am considering how much I am stepping into the unknown. This can be a pretty scary thing for a person like me. For the upcoming year I will not know exactly where I will be going, what I will be doing, or who I will be doing it with. I will be taking a step away from family, friends, and the comforts of home. This past month has been filled with a lot of noise, discouragement, and doubt about stepping into the unknown. However, I truly believe that this is what I am supposed to do. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. Raising money, leaving my job, and day by day realizing that it is one less day I have with my family, are a few of the many things that have been weighing on my mind. As uncomfortable as it may be, I can’t imagine staying. I am more afraid of staying than going. I am afraid to live a life that is not mine to live: a life of selfishness and safety, a sure thing. Something beautiful and amazing is going to come out of this upcoming year. It may not be easy, it may be unsettling, and I don’t know exactly where it will take me, but I have this small voice telling me following God into the unknown will all be worth it. That’s enough to keep me satisfied and going forward.
