Before the sun rose in the morning,
Before the foundation of the Earth,
Before the majesty of Seraphim’s burning,
Before Your knitting to give me birth;
Before the ocean depth began to fill,
Before the great winds of the sky ever blew,
Before any creature decided to will,
There was only You.
God alone, holy Trinity.
To whatever He decided, He was pleased.
And in His vast will, sovereign decree,
The Father fixed His heart on me.
Chose my soul that I should be
Of elect and not enemy.
O how great the unforeseen mercy would be
The moment I would taste the nectar of eternity.
Found favor in the eyes of His beautiful gaze
To count me as His own for all of my days.
He set a seal on my heart with His precious Cross.
The Son of God, now my Sheppard so I may never go lost.
Despite the ugliness of my depraved heart
The Lord foreknew me from the start.
He had a scandalous conspiracy
Of love to bring such beauty
That, when His work in me is done,
I should bear the image of His Son.
At first ashamed in His glorious face,
And now a vessel of His immeasurable grace.
My heart, once a slum of death and decay,
Now Holy Spirit makes it His choice of stay.
O my soul sings! What wondrous love is this?
More precious than any riches; sweeter than any great lover’s kiss.
That the Father would pay the ransom for my sins with His Son,
And forgive me of all wicked things that I have ever done.
Adopted me and hold me as His own,
And allow my lungs to call His kingdom my home.
Now alive by His love,
My name written by His blood.
O great God, the tears overflow.
Never allow me to let You go.
Prone to wander, yes I know.
But Your grace has washed me white as snow.
To God alone, be endless praise.
My heart delights in Your wondrous ways.
All glory and honor to the One,
Who foreknew me and adopted me as His own son.
Amen.
On November 23rd I celebrated my birthday. But not the day I was physically born into this world; the beautiful day that my eyes were open by the grace of God to see His love through His Son, Jesus Christ. It’s been 5 years since I’ve been a Christian. I reflect on how these years have been, and I have to say that they have been some of the hardest years. Depressions, suicidal attempt, pain, sadness, despair; this road I’ve walked with the Lord has been hard pressed. There have been hard times. Even now as I type this, I’m going through some hard moments. These pains I’ve come to accept here on the mission field leave me exhausted at night. Physical pain, emotional strife, spiritual battles, all take its toll on me. Even as I sit here with my left arm injured, I endure the hardship of capturing my thoughts from wandering off into realms of uncertainty, leaving me parched for the peace of Christ.
But like any thing the follower of Christ goes through, there has been growth in my life and what was meant for evil in all that I’ve done and all that I’ve been through, God has made for my good. Like the hard bark of a tree, God’s been strengthening my tired knees and weak hands so that I can persevere through the toughest of storms. He’s rooted me in His character and in the identity He has given me in Christ. I’ve been growing, whether I or anyone sees it or not, and ever day I put my hope that the Holy Spirit is working all things for my own good, so that I can, in any way possible through my shortcomings and failings, reflect the image of the Beloved Son, Jesus Christ!
Even as I sit here in Nicaragua, I’m trying not to cry. Because I’ve seen the love of God work in my life! God's precious love overflowing my soul; I can't help but smile with endless joy. I’ve fallen short multiple times, and yet He holds me tight. He’s chosen me, even though I chose anything and everything else. He’s loved me at my worst. He’s humbled me at my best. He’s brought me out of the darkness of my heart, and now I am shining in the glory of His heart!
It’s been 5 imperfect years of stumbling over myself and picking up again and again my cross to follow Jesus. And even through all of the mess and tears and pain and my snot-filled nose, Jesus has never left my side. He’s been with me, through thick and thin. He’s been my Refuge, my Comforter, my King, my Everything. I couldn’t, wouldn’t even dream to even consider, ever replacing this life lived for Christ. His grace has irresistibly captured my heart forever. I am a son of God the Father, I am a follower of Christ the King, and I am a holy temple for the Spirit!
I wrote the poem above on November 23rd about this mysterious beauty that is my adoption as God’s own child. I hope you enjoyed.
