One of my teammates flew home to Texas for a wedding the other night. She’ll meet back up with us in India. For much of the time we were together this past month we were all trying to help her prepare for the experience. It must odd to be immersed in community, chasing God every moment for five months, then to step out of that for three days, going back to people who no doubt want to know everything about an experience that isn’t really complete.
We talked with our friend about walking into a familiar environment after she has already changed so much. We talked about how that might feel and how she might be able to handle the questions and conversation once she gets home. She expressed apprehension about the fact that she has a hard time even articulating what the changes in her have been. She was afraid that she won’t be able to explain her experience to people when she gets home. Eventually I had to encourage her to remember that, even if she cannot find the words to express it, her experience, the change she has undergone, is still real. The Lord has been working in her even if she cannot explain it.
I think this is a little of what I was feeling when I wrote my last blog, “The Story I Can’t Really Tell”. After I posted it I worried that it may have came off wrong. I in no way want to distance myself from any of you and I fear that I may have been putting some sort of wall up around my experience with my last post. Ultimately I was wrestling with a question that I think will prove to be pretty characteristic of a life following the Lord. I am beginning to learn to follow the Lord and believe that he is working in me even when I have no idea what that means or what it’s supposed to look like. I’m learning to trust that I am in the Lord’s will even when I can’t point to concrete experiences or evidence that tell me so, mainly because I do not know what those experiences, or what that evidence, would be.
For the last ten days of our ministry this month, the men were in a small village called Enesempolay. We were at about 8500 feet elevation and enjoyed some nice, cool weather. We preached daily. I even got to deliver a funeral message, and speak about how the sickness of sin will not ultimately end in death. It was a great time for the fourteen men of our squad. We were able to get to know each other better, minister alongside each other for the first time, and grow together as brothers. As our time together came to an end though, I was having a hard time identifying how exactly we had grown. Still I know that God worked. I know God made us more a team, more of a family. I think I will know how true that is after a couple more months.
