Adventures WorldRace SethBarnes Sponsorship Giving

| by archiveworldraceblogs

I wouldn’t normally give this kind of precursor, but If you’re just picking up the blog you should catch up with The Story I Wish Somebody Would Tell Me and Long Season 1 & 2.  They’ll provide some much-needed context.
 
 
As I prepared for the Race I got pretty excited.  The Race was to be a new chapter in my life following one that had been fairly dark at times.  The Race was going to fix me.
 
I’ve spoken before about how the Race has obliterated my expectations.  It has met and exceeded expectations I didn’t know I had.  In fact, I’m seeing that the expectations I had were way off.  The Race will not fix me.  I’m not sure if God even looks to fix us.  I think he loves us and gives us the grace, through faith, to love him in return.  Through that salvation we become broken people living life whole.  But we are broken people nonetheless.
 

So I’ve been sharing with you how I thought I was getting the rhythm of this thing and how God has been telling me this month that he’s going to start showing me the reason he called me out here for eleven months.  We’re to start getting some hard stuff taken care of.  And, with a blindfold over my eyes, I’ve been waiting to receive it.  I have no idea what my part in this is so I’m waiting for God to knock me on my face.

Not knowing what I’m doing is hard.  Feeling blindfolded to the process is a scary thing.  I’d prefer for the Lord’s work in me to be a little more mechanical.

As we’ve gone through this month I’ve felt pretty down.  I’ve hit some of my darkest places on the Race and I can’t really put my finger on why.  Maybe a month away from my World Race “family” is taking its toll.  Maybe the weight of the spiritual climate in India had more of an impact on my wellbeing than I’ve recognized.  Either way, this month I’ve found myself napping more, doubting myself, and feeling a little more depressed than usual.

I’ve been trying to listen for what the Lord is telling me on how to pursue him.  Still, every time I jump at something, or even take a step gingerly in a new direction, I feel like I mess it up.  I try to exercise something I think I’ve learned, I take control for a second, and it seems to crumble in my hands.  Then I find myself back on the roof of our building trying to remind myself of the Lord’s love for me – how easily we forget it.