So I came into this month feeling like I needed to be listening for some bigger stuff than simply how God has gifted me and sort the nuts and bolts of a new me. I thought this meant I would be getting words on how I could be wielding those nuts and bolts. I thought God would be telling me all the cool stuff with the new tools I’ve found. I think I was wrong.
A couple nights ago I started reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I started in China and thought it wasn’t quite the right season. Before I even finished the first chapter I knew it was the right season to be reading this book. Manning talks about the Gospel of Grace. He talks about how we often don’t quite catch it.
Many people have told me that this year for me will be about learning to let God love me. I’ve heard it. I receive it. But I was never really sure what that was going to look like or how it would work (which maybe is the point). So now this Grace stuff has my wheels turning.
I’m saying, “Yeah this all makes sense, I’m just wondering how I’ve always missed it.” For some reason letting God love me, letting his grace be sufficient, is something I’ve dodged for a long time. Even on the Race I’ve had a great time sacrificing things, and dying a little, and allowing God to come alive in me. But I’ve resisted being still enough to let simple love simply work.
So now I have this new thing to be seeking God on. I’ve known it was looming, but I’ve been able to avoid it. Now I’m saying I’ve got a little more than five months left in the Race and if I catch nothing else I want to get love and grace. I want to catch God’s heart for me. I want to learn how to receive it. I love to love people and I can only dream how much more deeply I’ll be able to do that when I can really let God love me.
I thank him that he is persistent. I thank him that his plans are higher than mine. I thank him that I can dodge the point for five and a half months and he calls me to that many more to be sure I catch it all.
Pray for me. It’s not going to be easy.
