Step one: get wood
Step two: get gasoline
Step three: light a match
Step four: don’t do that
I was pretty sick for a couple days recently and it left me pretty drained.
I had been really on fire and excited and passionate about being here in Indonesia and about working with the kids. I mean, kids are my passion. Working with kids fills my heart.
I tend to let my excitement run away with me though. I ignite and burn and I burn high! It’s great and crazy and fun… But eventually the inevitable occurs.
What happens to a candle when you light it?
It gives light and warmth, yes, but eventually it burns out. The higher it burns the the faster it burns out.
I got sick very abruptly, in the middle of high blaze, and by the end of the two days there was nothing left.
I was exhausted and frustrated and wishing I could just wake up and be home. All my passion had faded to apathy.
I didn’t want it to be like that though. I wanted that fire.
My constant prayer for the past few weeks had been for renewed passion, but I wasn’t getting any.
The Lord gave me a vision though, on that second day.
He showed me a candle burning from both ends. And it was burning soo bright and so fast and it was beautiful and lighting up the room and it was good… But no matter how good it was, no matter how high it burned, it couldn’t last. Eventually the room would fall into darkness.
Then he showed me a well. A flowing well of this golden oil and it was alight and it was moving and bubbling up. Inexhaustible and the light it gave was overwhelming!
And He said to me,
“What is your source?”.
And that was all.
What is my source? Is it me? Am I drawing from myself for light to give to these kids and the people around me?
I have been.
And it works for a day or two or three, and I can give it everything I have. Every ounce of love and joy and passion that I posses, but the candle always burns out.
I need a better source. A constant source. A living source.
I need the well.
I don’t want to just start a fire…. I want it to keep burning, and I want it to spread.
I want a fire that doesn’t burn out.
