God is Enough

I was allowed to be one of the two squad coordinators for Beauty for Ashes on this trip. Beauty for Ashes is a ministry that gives women a platform to share their story and trade it for Freedom, Healing, etc. I keep learning that God has more to show me than for me to pour into this ministry. I kept wondering why was I picked? I’m not qualified. I can’t even share my testimony because it’s too hard. However, God keeps pursuing me, motivating me and loving me. He keeps being enough of what I need to keep me going. He amazes me!

 

I was at the retreat for the second day and it was my turn to do an exercise with the ladies. Their ages ranged from teens to 23 year olds. I was all of a sudden rushed with being nervous and feeling so many emotions. We were singing “Only Jesus” and I couldn’t breathe. I remembered what I was going to talk about. I remembered the ache and the hurt. God already healed me so why am I crying? Why does it feel like I’m reliving it? I turned to Maddie, my co-leader, and asked her to pray for me. Maybe it was the song, maybe the reminder that “for me Only Jesus” is a safe phrase; I would never want to go through heart break again. Being vulnerable reminded me that God is inviting me into JOY after the pain. However, sometimes it takes time to have the heart and mind in one accord. You have to give your heart the space it needs to have the feelings catch on. For your heart to be certain that truth is your reality even when it doesn’t feel like it. Maddie said a quiet prayer but reminded me in it that tears are okay. 

 

The song ends and I stand up to talk. Soon enough tears are falling down my face. I start asking the girls to be vulnerable as I was going to do so. The activity was called Saddened Heart. It was a moment where we would be vulnerable to draw out a moment where we felt God needs to be let in to heal our heart. A time that we might not feel comfortable sharing about but we were going to be vulnerable to remove shame/guilt/fear, etc. To allow for God to enter and to create trust in sisterhood. To remind us that our story matters, that our story is powerful and that we can be healed through sharing. We were going to allow God to do healing by exposing our wound.

 

I opened up by showing my drawing. It’s a girl sitting on a couch. The room is full of people and she’s alone. I started sharing that this was the time where I felt depressed. I was stuck in alcoholism. I could be in a room full of people but I felt alone. I saw a few tears around the rooms. Some of my teammates smiled at me and nodded to keep me going. I told them my story of how I got there.

 

I gave them a few minutes to draw and then we broke into teams to share our stories. We cried as we heard these stories. All were valid. All were their truth. All were exposed for healing.

 

I stood up and asked them to now see where Jesus was in this story. I showed them a second drawing. Jesus was holding my hand. He was sitting on the couch next to me. He was holding my hand and feeling my pain. I wasn’t alone.

 

We broke back into groups. This was the reminder and the highlight. God reminded me that He was enough to get me out of that situation. He will always be ENOUGH to get me through. He will always be there. Even now as I sit in this couch “alone”. He’s here! He will keep getting me through situations BIG or Small. I just need to trust Him that He will continue to show up if I see where is He in my picture.

 

Below I have listed two links. One is for the video of the song and the other is a video of the event. If you feel led to support me please click on the donate link on my home page. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thanks for your support!