May the God of hope fill you with all
joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the
power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
My life has become a struggle. I would love to say that everything is great since being back from The World Race. It has not. I wish I could say that even after 6 months of being home, I feel normal. I don’t think I will ever fell normal again. Today made me realize that God is in control. In order to explain today, I have to back it up about a month for you to understand fully.
During the fall semester of the school year, God provided me a great opportunity to do a long term substitute position in a local high school in South Dakota. It started 10 days early, which was fine with me. I just did not know when the job would end. Luckily, it ended a week earlier than I thought. Every since I have been back, I felt God telling me to visit Les and Laurie, an amazing couple that allowed me to stay with them when I was student teaching in England. They were in the process of moving from England to a town close to St. Louis, MO this fall. I can’t even start to tell you the influence they had in my life. I wish every time I see them that I could explain it to them, but words cannot even suffice what they did for me. I went to Missouri on faith and God provided for my expenses for the trip. I am truly thankful for God’s provisions. After I visited Les and Laurie, I came out to Colorado to see if I could find a place to live. On the way to Colorado, I found a job in a local community. I was able to schedule an interview with them whilein Colorado. I felt very good about the interview and had to wait to find out if I got the job. I found a place to live and decided even if I did not hear about the job, I would move on January 3rd.
My Christmas was awesome. I got to spend some quality time with my parents. The day they left to go back to England, I left to drive to Colorado. I was halfway across Nebraska and I thought ‘What am I doing, am I crazy?” I almost turned back. I knew that I was moving to Colorado on faith and that I did not have a job. I got to Colorado and moved into my place. I started to wait patiently to hear back from the job or get my teaching certificate in order to substitute teach. I finally found out that I did not get the job, which was a huge disappointment. The day I found out I did not get the job, my car was broken down, getting towed to a local mechanic. The shift cable broke and so I could not move my car. If I could explain all the feelings I went through in the two hours after it happened, I would. I felt lonely, unsure, wondering if this was the correct choice, wondering what I was doing. I was actually crying. If you know me at all, this does not happen very often, but I was having my first true breakdown of my life.
I started to ask God “why am I here?” All I heard back from him was that I only see a picture of my time now. I am looking at this day going this sucks, while God is looking down at my life in a few months going, wasn’t that amazing. I felt God kept telling me in the past days that He had a great plan, I needed to be patient. Who wants to be patient when you are going through hard times. I just felt that it would all be okay.
Today I understand a little bit more of His plan. I got up this morning and tried to find a job unsuccessfully. I went to different places to inquire. I ended up at the library looking at Craig’s list for jobs. I checked out the progress of my teaching certificate and it had gone through. I kept looking for jobs and was getting frustrated and thinking of leaving when Gary Lengkeek, one of our coaches for The World Race, started talking to me. He told me about how he was doing and I was telling him that I had no idea why I was here and I was discouraged. He told me about Oversees Missions being in Colorado Springs. He also talked about some other things and he confused me a lot. If you know Gary, that is what he does best. Gary finally convinced me to go to the Oversees Missions office. I found it on google maps and went out. I was also looking for a place that I wanted to apply for a job at. I found both places in the same area of town, actually a block apart from each other.
When I finally got to the office, I felt stupid saying that Gary Lengkeek told me to stop by and see if there were any openings. The lady at the desk told me that she knew who Gary was, but I would not be able to talk to anyone since there was training going on. All of a sudden a guy came by and we started to talk about Gary. This led him to find another person that helped me out. I did not get a job with Oversees Missions, but I was truly encouraged in a way that I have not been encouraged for a long time. I felt that God was still guiding me even when I don’t think it is happening. I still do not know fully why I am in Colorado Springs, but God will show me in His time and in His place. I just have to be obedient and patient.
