So I’m about to get real with you guys. This month has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. So far, God has been stretching and growing me in ways that I could not have imagined when I said yes to the world race. As much of a challenge as it’s been, I wouldn’t change a moment of it. God has really used this time to dig in and change me.
My first week here, I got news that a friend of the family had passed away. It hurt so much and I was angry/frustrated. I had been so convinced that God was going to perform a miracle and she was going to be ok, but he had other plans and decided it was time to call her home. When I found out I was extremely upset for the loss her family has encountered and also everyone who knew her. I also knew I needed to wrestle it out with God.
For those of you who don’t know my full name, Jacqueline, is a feminine form of Jacob. The Jacob in the Bible is famous for wrestling with God. Well God must have had a hand in that naming because that seems to be a theme in my life. Before I finally surrendered my life to Christ a year ago, I had been wrestling with him for over two months. Here again, in India of all places, I began to wrestle with God yet again. I knew God had the power to heal her; I have seen healings take place first hand and I just did not understand why he would chose to take her instead of heal her.
For a week I wrestled with God over this. All the while grieving the loss of our friend. Finally, I heard clearly from the Lord on the matter and I couldn’t argue anymore. The Lord spoke to me while I was having quiet time one morning and said: “I am not a heartless God, I saw her suffering and ended it. I am mourning with her family and friends and drawing them to myself. If only you could see what I see dear one, you would understand. For now just trust me.” With that my wrestling match ended and I began to find joy in the little things.
Later that very day I was given my Hmar name (that is the tribe of people we have been ministering to) just as Jacob was renamed when his wrestling match ended. My Hmar name is Lalhlimpui and it means one who is constantly joyful, or rejoicing because of the Lord. As I have been growing in the Lord I could not have picked a more perfect name. Each day my joy in him grows and I rejoice because, of the compassion and power of our God. I cannot wait to see what else this race holds for me!
