“Name one thing you’ve pursued?”
A couple weeks ago, I got asked that very question and only one name came to mind. As we went around the room announcing what we pursued some said, “marriage, husband, career, education, heaven, etc.” But for me only one name rang loud in my heart and mind. I felt hot as I said, “Jesus.”
I went home that night thinking about that question and the answer I had given. I couldn’t think of anything else I had pursued before I met Jesus. Every big decision I’d made before was done to please my parents and those around me, but never had a pursued something for myself. But Jesus, He was the first I’d ever pursued. The moment I met Him and knew He was real, I wanted more of Him. There are no words to describe the way He makes me feel, but for those of you who are seeking a relationship with Him you know what I mean. In Him I found freedom. Before Jesus, my life was taken captive by fear. I literally was afraid of everything. I was afraid that if I went out I would be arrested and forever disappoint my parents. My thought process made no sense. I would come up with some crazy scenarios as to why I couldn’t do this or that, but of course I wouldn’t admit that it was fear holding me back, I’d just say I couldn’t and that was that. If someone approached me to talk, I wouldn’t make eye contact and I would ignore them hoping they would go away. People talking to me made me very nervous. It wasn’t so bad in high school, but after I graduated my fears grew and I loved to close myself off from the world. I wanted everyone to leave me alone, that made me “happy.” I went to college to make my parents happy and did what I could to make all A’s to make them proud, but I continued to feel empty inside. I tried tricking myself sometimes telling myself, “This is what you want,” but it wasn’t. I couldn’t figure out why I was so empty and I felt worthless.
BUT the night I met Jesus, everything changed. So much had happened in such a short time period that I felt like it was only getting worse and it would never end, but Jesus, He came in and changed my life. It was a Saturday night on February 3rd, 2013, that I heard about an AMAZING, POWERFUL, GLORIOUS, REDEEMER who I wanted more of, but I was still unsure. What if He didn’t exist and it was all fake, so what did I do? Well in Jeremiah 33:3 it says, “Call to me and I will answer…,” so I did what any sane person would do, I asked Him for a sign that He was real and let me tell you the next morning He delivered. After I very long time of not attending church I decided to go that morning. I grew up Catholic, so I went to a catholic church. As I picked a pew to sit at and kneeled down to pray, a lady walks up to me and hands me my sign, the very sign I’d asked for, a beautiful red rose. That lady had no idea what she had just done, but God did. After that I was determined to make things right in my life and pursue Him. There was no turning back. At times I failed and fell into temptation and became fearful again, but the Lord encouraged me to keep moving forward. To continue pursuing Him.
That question, “What are you pursuing?” continues to replay in my mind and I wonder, “What are others pursuing? Who has their heart, the world or Jesus?” The Lord came down and swept me off my feet and I never want to forget what He has done for me. I want to continue calling out to Him. I want the Lord to be my guide. I want to build a strong intimate relationship with Him and it is so amazing that when we are intentional and are serious about being with Him, He shows up and reveals things to us that we would’ve never known if we’d continued to pursue the worldly things and people.
And so I ask you, WHAT OR WHO ARE YOU PURSUING?
