Does anyone remember coming home from youth camp? There were those few days, maybe even weeks where we felt invincible against Satan…like the fog had been lifted and we could fight with eyes wide open against all of his pathetic schemes. And then something happened…we got distracted when we realized that all the problems we had before youth camp were still there- maybe even magnified. Somewhere down the line, spiritual highs developed a stigma of being nothing more than an emotional experience rather than given the credit of being a treasured encounter. So I grew into believing that if the spiritual high didn’t stick around, then my freedom wasn’t real.
But what if the freedom was actually validated in the valley?
I am so quick to believe that spiritual highs mean I will never again struggle with the thing I found freedom from. However today I’m realizing that spiritual highs are actually the place where we encounter His perfect freedom and see that it is accompanied with gifts….tools to take with us…tools to help us navigate and fight when we reach the inevitable valley.
So I experienced a really wonderful “spiritual high” from training camp where Jesus revealed to me my true identity and where He placed the truth next to the lie and let me see the clear distinction. And for a few weeks I felt like I would never again struggle with comparison or insecurity or fear or doubt. And then little by little the issues that I thought I dealt with began to pop up again. As the days went on the insecurities came back, and I began to believe that the freedom I encountered during training camp wasn’t real.
But today I realized that my freedom is very real because God is very faithful…today I realized that satan is set out to steal the gifts, kill the joy, and destroy the freedom. So as I enter the battlefield, I develop weariness, frustration, confusion, and discouragement. And it is in THIS place where the freedom really counts. Its in this place- where I feel like I can never get it right, or I am ugly, or unworthy, or have nothing to offer, or a nuisance- its here that I am entrusted with the tools that were gifted to me. Its in this place where I can call to mind all that Jesus spoke over me and where I can whip out the victory He told me I had during the “high,” and fight pretty dang effectively while I’m low.
I remain radically free and loved in my low seasons just as much as in my high seasons. So today, when I feel lonely because I have no community right now, and when I feel unworthy because I’ve been so distracted with getting ready to leave, or when I feel like I don’t measure up for what’s approaching in 6 weeks, or when I compare something as transient as my appearance to someone else’s…I walk in the freedom I have, and I call to mind the truth He gave me at the mountaintop of training camp: I am a worthy daughter- fearfully and beautifully and intentionally created- for such a time as this- to accomplish a work He could only do through ME and no one else, therefore He gave me unique gifts and talents to do His work beautifully. And instead of being ashamed that I lost sight, I rejoice anew because as a father shows compassion on his children, so does the Lord show compassion on those who fear Him- because He knows our frame and remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:13-14).
