Trying to recap this first month has been a challenge. There are so many different things I could talk about or write entire blogs on. So as sat here asking God what to share with you all, I kept hearing one word: seen.
///
It was one of our last nights spent with our ministry hosts. I laid in bed trying to fall asleep and asked God “What are you doing in the DR and why do I feel like I missed it?” As I tossed and turned wondering if I had somehow wasted my first month of this journey, I heard His voice say “you’re waiting on your own expectations to manifest.”
“What? What does that even mean? No I’m not, God. I’m waiting to see You show up and I feel like You didn’t.”
Was it me? Was I just not in a place where God could use me? Was I too broken? I was convinced of this. Although my team and I were actively involved in ministry for the month, I often wondered if I was truly making an eternal impact while I cut construction paper for the children or left yet another house without seeing surrender to Christ. “God why aren’t you doing more?” I thought. Little did I know, God was challenging my vision.
It wasn’t until the last night of being with our ministry hosts that we learned that we were the first group to ever put on a kids camp in that community, and that we were the first group of people who actually did that much outreach…we learned that we were the result of seven years of prayer and obedience. “Do you see, child? In their darkest moments where they felt unseen, I saw. I heard. I was already at work.”
That lesson opened my eyes to see more of the lies I believed that hindered me from walking in power and authority. I got to see the truth about my role and value in the Kingdom as God’s child. I got to see and discover new parts of myself- and rather than hiding, I had the chance to press into being unashamed of who I am in the moment- not who I want to be in the future. I got to see and appreciate other people for who they truly are: God’s creation on a similar Kingdom journey of self-discovery. I got to see years of prayer and obedience be honored by our faithful God. This month was a month that God showed me He is a seeing God. He doesn’t overlook.
God didn’t meet my expectations because His gift of faithfulness surpassed them.
