“I have a gift for you.” He said with excitement as He held out a small box.
“Really?! Thank you!” I say with such surprise and delight as I hold out my hands of acceptance, unaware of what I’ve just taken ownership of.
In the seconds it took for me to undo the bow and lift the lid my mind came up with a million different possibilities of what beautiful thing it could be. I saw the excitement in His face and knew that out of everything He’d ever given me, this had to be the best gift yet. “it holds more than it seems to.” He said as my eyes focus inside.
As I peer in, I can feel my eyebrows furrow. I’m trying to contain the genuine smile I once had moments ago but its too late, He knows I am disappointed. Still, He says, “I picked this one out just for you…I know one day you’ll love it.”
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Valleys are only beautiful when I’m admiring their vastness from the mountaintops; every nook and cranny that hid treasures in their darkness, every gentle stream that felt like violent currents as I drank from them…I am in awe of the intricacies in the mosaic-like display, and I never wish for it to look different.
Yet while I am down there, the view is much different, and honestly…not very beautiful at all. It is dark and I cannot see the treasure He promised was down there. I’m often weary of searching for it and give up in despair. It is silent and my cries echo for what sounds like miles of emptiness.
But this valley is different…
Before I got home from the Race, I knew this was exactly where I’d be. Living at home, working at the family business. There was nothing shocking about that when it actually became a reality…yet here I am with whiplash: “wait…that actually happened? Alright then, I’m ready for the next assignment, Jesus…lets go!”
“You’re already there.” He said, and suddenly I remembered what was in that tiny little box He gave me. It was a small replica of my house, red door and all.
I looked at that gift and I didn’t see adventure, risk, challenge, or even a gift until now. Yet the adventure is daily…waking up to what feels like is going to be another mundane day, and seeking out the hidden treasures in them. The risk is in the choice- choosing to continue the things I learned this past year that are different from what I’m use to at home…choosing to do whats different even if it feels a little awkward at first. Risking comfort and even acceptance like Jesus did for the sake of being a catalyst and a difference maker in my very own Jerusalem. The challenge is in the discipline- forsaking my “feelings” and continuing to be faithful even when it feels like theres absolutely no progress, change, difference, or point. The discomfort is in the trusting- that all the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful.
I haven’t embraced every single day with this perspective. I’ve whined, I’ve complained, I’ve worried this would be my life forever (because thats totally rational lol), I’ve struggled to accept that this really IS where Jesus WANTS me because its not where I want to be. Its easy to write all of this, but living it out is a whole other story. Finding adventure with Jesus on the boring days is a choice on my part to lay aside my disappointment and rejoice in the gift of today. Risking comfort for Him is my choice to lay aside my comfort and step into the possibility of failure or rejection. It all comes down to my choice in how I use the gift He gave me.
Anyways, I write this with gratitude overflowing from my heart…I am confident I am supposed to be home right now and its in the perfect time. And through the various trials that continue to pop up, I look past the confusion of why its happening or what’s going on and I see right here in this valley His beautiful Sovereignty, the perfect purpose, the “why” that I don’t even deserve to get but He still gave….I see Jesus in this valley, and I dare not ask for a different view.
Jesus, may it be Your light in my darkness,
Your life in my death,
Your joy in my sorrow,
Your grace in my sin,
Your riches in my poverty…
Your Glory in my Valley.
-The Valley of Vision
