Dear Insecurity,
I still remember the first time we met, do you? I was in 2nd grade and my teacher called me stupid in front of the whole class. That was the first time you promised to protect me. Your voice was so comforting, and I was so innocent that I clung to you without hesitation. As I grew up you helped me keep a strict record of past offenses. Based on that, we always collaborated together on how I should act in order to avoid rejection and pain. You always got the final say & convinced me that listening to you would make me stronger in the end.
We built quite a shelter together, you and I. You decorated our hide-out with pictures of what I could look like if I just skipped a meal or two every day and spent little extra time in a gym. Facebook and Instagram turned into your favorite curriculum when it came to schooling me in perfectionism. You always had such a way with words, and you were sure to teach me exactly how to edit my life to perfection. But you didn’t stop there! You accompanied me to every outing and you let me know when I was being too much, or not enough. You gave me suggestions of how I could get more approval or acceptance and you always helped me analyze my interactions with others- convinced me of your ideas on what they thought of me. You had a swift hand over my mouth whenever you sensed I was about to speak for myself, and from behind you would whisper a pity-filled “Shhhh. Don’t embarrass yourself.” Oh Insecurity, you played me like a puppet- and we put on a dreadfully long show. I so craved the applause even though I always knew it would never be enough for me. You really had me going, and there was a time when I thought we’d be friends forever.
But you’re no friend of mine, Insecurity. You’re a liar, and a bully, and a controlling thief. You don’t know how to love and you definitely don’t know how to be loved. You don’t know how to serve, only how to be served. You don’t know forgiveness. You don’t know trust. You don’t know freedom. You don’t know courage. You don’t know boldness. But these are all things I’m learning since leaving you. Your words covered up my reflection of Christ in me, but together, He and I stripped the walls bare. See Jesus is an original artist. Unlike your decorations that are copied and pasted, Jesus takes a fresh brush and strokes together a masterpiece that cannot be reproduced.
I know you miss me because you still try to come around with your pretty words and shiny promises. But now, I’m ready with answers that make you shudder. You didn’t realize I had such a strong voice, did you, Insecurity? You don’t recognize my boldness and you’re not use to my courage… Well, allow me to introduce myself…my name is Chosen, Holy, Beloved, Child, Daughter, Citizen, Righteous, Healed, Clean, Beautiful, Funny, Smart, Creative, Talented, Bold, Courageous- and so much more than you could have ever told me I was. Without you, I’m happier. I’m more confident. I’m full of life. I’m quicker to speak up. I’m more passionate about doing and sharing what I love with others. I’m quicker to love. I’m quicker to forgive. I’m joyful and I have a lot of fun. I’m loud. I look in the mirror and smile. I believe people when they tell me how pretty I am. I hear God’s voice louder than ever before because you’re finally quiet.
You may have forgotten who my Father is, but I haven’t. In case you missed the memo, I’m dangerously powerful against every scheme of the enemy. You may have tricked me for this long, but your words have no value…they hold no weight…they are empty and worthless just like you. You may think that you only lost one of your victims, but know this: I am the catalyst that has come to expose you; believe me when I say that it won’t just stop at me. Oh no, you can’t hide any longer, Insecurity. I have discovered you and I’m calling you out. You wanted a fight, you got one.
Sincerely,
Your Worst Nightmare
